This Week's Wacks
Our 959th Edition
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June 6th, 2014
I have the Sportscenter app and it actually gave me an update on the National Spelling Bee! When did spelling become a sport? "Oh, yeah, it's because of an old spelling injury... "
By the way, in case you didn't hear, the National Spelling Bee ended in a tie. Or is it ty...
Former Microsoft CEO Steve Balmer is buying the L.A. Clippers. Since the price was an even $2-billion, he didn't have to ask for change.
Maybe he'll change their name to the Moneyclippers.
Justin Bieber is apologizing for telling a racist joke and using the n-word in a video making the rounds... completely dashing his hopes of one day owning the L.A. Clippers.
I was thinking that a good name for a rapper who's also a good golfer would be "Two Putt."
Jacques Cousteau's grandson is planning on staying a record 31 days under the sea in a laboratory... which is nowhere near my record of being underwater on a home I bought six years ago.
A theme park based on "The Hunger Games" is said to be in the works. Of course, since only one in 24 visitors will survive, they'll be asked to pay up front.
Someone has developed a new app helps find lost cellphones when the owner yells "Marco!" and it yells back "Polo!" OK, NOW can we get back to working on that cancer thing?
Former major leaguer Johnny Damon says he was booted out of baseball because he refused to use PEDs. Looking at him, I'd say we'd have to believe that.
The actors who play Snow White and Prince Charming on "Once Upon a Time" just had a baby boy together. My guess is they'll all live happily ever after.
Justin Bieber has apologized for a racist joke and using the N-word in a 2-year-old video. I'm just disappointed he was doing that as a 2-year-old.
Because of the increasing popularity of bourbons and whiskeys, distillers say that there's the possibility of a shortage in the near future. Slow down, people!!!
So, first Seattle legalized pot. Now, we passed a $15 minimum wage. Apparently, they just like things higher.
A report says that a third of all 18-34 year old Americans live with their parents. Don't worry, kids. Someday mom or dad will return the favor.
Authorities have confiscated $3 Million worth of stolen Nike sneakers from a house in Kentucky. They just did it.
A study says learning a second language can slow the brain's aging process. FYI -- Pig Latin is NOT considered a second anguage-lay.
A new study claims that people in Seattle spend over 80 hours every year stuck in traffic. Up there, they consider Road Rage a hobby.
Trade one American deserter for five known terrorists? Yes we can!
A company in Washington State is introducing marijuana-infused coffee. Well, there's the solution to absolutely nothing.
Alexander Shulgin, known as the "Father of ecstasy" has died at age 88. That's too bad -- right before Father's Day. Then again, if anyone's kids are going to forget about Father's Day, it would be his.
TOP FIVE GIFTS WE'RE CONSIDERING FOR DAD THIS YEAR
- A Fart-Catcher
- New black shoes to go with his shorts and white sox
- New white sox to go with his shorts and black shoes
- A remote control for his remote control
- Suspenders to keep those pants up!!!
TOP FIVE GIFTS IN THE EARLY LEAD FOR FATHER'S DAY
- Just rewrap the same tie you got him last year
- A coupon good for listening to one of his long stories
- Six "I'll pretend I didn't hear that" passes
- A "Get out of mowing the lawn" gift certificate
- A remote control for his remote control
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--Of course, my memories of Ken Schram would be different than the rest. Details on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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