This Week's Wacks
Our 960th Edition
"Dad was always like a father to me!"
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial
June 13th, 2014
Thieves stole 13,000 Huggies from a diaper bank in North Carolina. I can't help but think about the deposits you would make at a diaper bank.
They have a description of the thieves, but with that many diapers, they figure they're probably changing a lot.
The NBA Finals are underway -- LeBrains versus LaBron.
The latest People magazine has an article on a guy and his girlfriend: he's 31, she's 91! Can I be the first to say "ew," although I'm probably not. I mean, yuck -- 31? Too young.
Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart are splitting after two years, which makes me question his last name.
The CIA has tweeted it's first tweet on Twitter. However, if you read it, they'll have to kill you.
Tyson has purchased Hillshire Farms even after critics said they were too chicken.
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, was crowned the new Miss USA over the weekend. She has a fourth-degree black belt in taekwondo. I can hear the judges: "You get to tell her she didn't win!" "No, YOU tell her she didn't win!" "OK, she wins!"
A Japanese clothing company has been criticized for labeling United States sizes skinny, fat, and jumbo. I'm offended because I didn't see a thing about an extra jumbo size.
Companies are starting to make hemp-laced medications for dogs. I could see the cat getting a hold of some and somehow, doing even less.
A study is linking air pollution to schizophrenia. At least that's what a friend who lives in Los Angeles says the voices are telling him.
You know what would really help -- if people just quit making TV shows for a couple of years so I could get caught up!
From a Facebook post: "If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy!"
Just remember, it's those little words and phrases throughout each and every day that force us to put on our readers.
Kate Hudson says she's not going to judge someone for getting butt implants. I guess I didn't know the job was open...
Lil Kim has given birth to a baby girl. May I suggest the name, Eve N. Lilleler.
The father is reportedly a rapped named Mr. Papers. Or, is it a paper boy named Mr. Rappers. It's something like that...
Michael Jackson's three kids are receiving an $8-million allowance. You know, with budgeting, you could make that work.
The new "Dumb and Dumber" movie trailer is out. It's the dumbest.
A study says that rats are capable of feeling regret after making wrong choices. But enough about congress...
92-year-old producer Norman Lear says ageism is keeping him from getting another series on the air. He made the comment to a vending machine.
Ageism is alive. He's just saying that 'cause he's old!
A California teacher allegedly forced some of his students to take him to a Jack In The Box restaurant at knifepoint. Apparently, summer break is happening none too soon...
The CIA now has its own Twitter page. Hashtag don't tell anyone but...
Tomorrow is "Friday the 13th." There are those who think it means nothing and don't even care about the date... and then there are those of us who don't want to die a freakish and tragic death on that date and be the subject of stories for generations to come.
Cisco is estimating that videos will be 84% of Internet traffic by 2018. If we're really going to hit that goal, we better get more cats signed up for piano lessons.
China is reportedly going to deport a "pork artist" who uses ground pork to make political art. His work was described as "controversial" and "the other white art."
United Airlines has announced sweeping changes to its frequent fliers program. I'm shocked -- people fly United Airlines frequently? Intentionally? On purpose?
Donald Sterling has called NBA officials a "band of hypocrites and bullies." Well, at least he's moved from being racist to just personal. I'd call that progress.
A friend of mine said the other day when it came to "Lord of the Rings," that he preferred the movie over the book, because it was too dark to read in the theater.
An Arizona couple has pleaded not guilty to robbing Miley Cyrus of jewelry and a Maserati from her California home. If found guilty, they both could be sentenced to 20 years of hard twerk.
One more reminder that this Sunday is the day you run out in the morning to 7-11 because you forgot it was Father's Day.
TOP FIVE THINGS TO LISTEN FOR FROM NEW HOCKEY FANS
- "You know, the floor looks so icy"
- "That guy by the goal -- is that the guy from the Friday the 13th movies?"
- "Icing the puck? I don't see any icing!"
- "Which one is Stanley Cup?"
- "I wish they'd slow it down so I could follow"
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU SUCK AT FACEBOOK
- Not only do you not have any friends---in fact, you actually owe three!
- People who you've tried to 'friend' have all asked to join a witness protection program
- Most of your friends have written to Facebook, asking for a "Kill him" button
- You've just written your one-millionth "That's what she said"
- You post pictures of cheese
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS--George Takei offers another classic Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--You keep having school shootings, you're gonna keep hearing my view on them. Details on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
