This Week's Wacks
Our 962nd Edition
"Summertime and the livin' is wacky.."
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June 27th, 2014
A new survey found that 27 percent of airline passengers don't like making small talk with the person sitting next to them. Or so the guy in the seat next to me brought up three times...
HBO is going to offer a language course to teach "Game of Thrones" fans to speak the fictional language spoken on the show. After that, you can flip over to the Lifetime channel for a class on "How to have a life!"
Last Friday was "Take your Dog to Work Day"...which, of course, made Monday "Apologize to the boss for what your dog did in his office on Friday" Day.
Sugar prices are at an 8-month high. Oh, yeah, like that will slow us down.
Saw a hand-written sign in the rear window of a car the other day that said, "Patience please, learning how to drive a stick"
A study says that grumpy, angry, negative people are more efficient at their jobs. Well, doesn't that tick you off and make you a better worker!!
This explains why your boss is always saying to you, "Great job, a**hole!"
A UK sports consultant says that standing for three hours a day will add two years to a person's life. That's why I've started watching The Star Spangled Banner Channel so much.
A study says that sunshine can act like a drug for people who are addicted to tanning. I can see it now -- the Betty Ford Center for the Pale.
Velveeta cheese product has been recalled from Wal-Mart stores. So, I'm wondering -- how can you tell when Velveeta has gone bad?
Starbucks is experimenting with serving sodas at some of their stores in the south. You know how McDonald's has sodas, any size, for $1? At Starbucks, that's the down payment.
Maybe its obvious advice, but never hire a wedding planner who has worked on "Game of Thrones."
Starbucks has announced that they're raising prices on some of their drinks. I haven't been this shocked since the last time.
As a warning: there are Flappy Bird clones out there that are nothing more than malware in disguise. Oh, and that new game, "Crash your hard drive!" Don't download it!
New series on FOX next fall, when a fired wedding planner seeks revenge in "Game of Drones."
In France, a 13-year-old disappeared, saying that he was kidnapped... when, in fact, he was just saying that to get out of going to the dentist. Well, there goes that excuse...
According to the Wall Street Journal, 62% of consumers in a new poll say social media has no influence on buying decisions. I'd buy that---except I heard about it online.
Starbucks raised the Gay Pride flag over its headquarters this week. After checking, they found it was only slightly higher than their prices.
Katy Perry has offered to write a theme song for Hillary Clinton if she runs for President in 2016. The tough part: finding a word that rhymes with Benghazi.
Starbucks increased their prices this week because, well, they just wanted to get back into the habit.
I'm starting to think that in World Cup soccer, it's less about wearing a mouth... and more about wearing a shoulder protector.
Rock legend Sting says he won't give his six children much of his estimated fortune of $300 Million. His announcement has reduced the number of times the kids have left their roller skates on the stairs.
Ben Stiller says a "Zoolander" sequel will not be made anytime soon. You see, every day, there IS something else to be thankful for.
Hillary Clinton's new book, "Hard Choices" hasn't been selling very well. Obviously, the decision to write another book will be one of her easiest choices ever.
There have been so many illegal immigrants in Texas that Doctors Without Borders has decided to stay home this year.
Congressional investigators say they uncovered emails that show the I.R.S. was targeting a U.S. Senator. Sounds like it's about time for some more hard drive crashes.
Diane Sawyer announced she's going to give up her news anchor desk at ABC and be replaced by the nearest available white male.
Kim Kardashian is now a blonde! Man, she changes hair color like I change underwear-once every couple of months!
The NBA draft is underway. Or, as we call it in Seattle, Friday.
Whole Foods has been fined $800,000 for overcharging customers in California. I believe it was for a pound of grapes…and an additional charge of impersonating a Starbucks.
By the way, for those of you completely not into soccer, the World Cup isn't something you wear.
They had a fundraising softball game at Yankee Stadium last weekend, and do you know who played? New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. They had him cover the outfield. Literally, cover the outfield.
One of the local eateries offers appetizer-size portions, they call 'Small Bites'….during World Cup, they've renamed them Luis Suarez.
FIVE NOT VERY SURPRISING FACTS ABOUT THE SINGER PITBULL
- He's name after a breed of dog
- He doesn't like the mail man
- His name rhymes with Schmidtbull
- He feels singers with his name are misjudged
- He doesn't own a blow dryer
FIVE SIGNS THAT SUMMER IS DEFINITELY HERE
- That first time you hear one of the kids say, "I'm bored."
- You've received your first "No more Speedo's" warning
- Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs
- People at work go to lunch and forget to come back
- You've started watching for the Back to School sales
TOP FIVE WAYS YOU CAN TELL WHO'S REALLY INTO THE WORLD CUP
- Legally changes his name to Worrel D'Cup
- When the boss asks him to do something, he flops
- Refers to going to the restroom as "Unstoppage time"
- Wears clothes only made from flags of the participating teams
- The "World Cup" forehead tattoo is a hint
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS--George Takei offers another classic Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--Louie's Louie's...they gotta go. Details on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
