This Week's Wacks
Our 966th Edition
"The best part of a stay-cation--all the money you save on airfare!"
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July 25th, 2014
Dick Cheney says that President Obama is the worst president of his lifetime. Oh, wait -- did I say Dick Cheney? I mean Dick Cheney's zombie.
A Florida woman ordered the most expensive Starbucks drink ever, costing $60.58. She could have spent more, but she only wanted the tall.
A professor at Brown University says the drinking age in the U.S. should be lowered to 8 years old. Oh yeah, that'll make 3rd grade easier.
Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began in 1877. Kids in L.A. are spending this summer cooling off on a Slip 'n Stick.
Lay's announced that cappuccino is one of the finalists for their new chip flavor contest. Starbucks replied, "Oh yeah? Well, try our Nacho latte!"
Billionaire Carlos Slim is calling for a three day work week. Big deal-I've been saying that for years!
This day just feels like trouble…like seeing Justin Bieber standing in front your house with a dozen eggs.
According to a new report, 81 percent of people would cheat on their partner if there were no consequences. How do I feel about that question? Who's asking?
There was a George Harrison Memorial Tree at L.A.'s Griffith Park, but it has died... as a result of beetles. We're not making this up.
Kris Jenner is a releasing a new Kardashian Collection Cookbook, with of course, Collection spelled with a K. Krap.
An Irish restaurant has posted a sign, banning "Loud Americans." Hey, look, we only yell to help you better understand us. Yeah, it is a rather unattractive quality.
Recreational Marijuana sounds funny. Like we're doing something active. For example, with a "Recreational Vehicle," you can find yourself waking up out in the middle of nowhere. Oh, wait -- now I get the connection.
I'm as frustrated as one of Justin Bieber's neighbors seeing him at Costco buying eggs.
Scientists have completed the most comprehensive map ever of Mars. To give you an idea of just how detailed it is, the map shows every future Starbucks site.
A study says that American children may have stopped getting fatter. It's either that, or the last time they got on the scale, they really did break it.
ZZ Top has had their concert tour postponed due to kidney stones. I haven't been this upset since The Who moved all their concert times up to 4pm.
American beef prices have hit an all-time high. You're determined to make me give that stuff up, aren't you?
Tim Tebow says he is still training in hopes of another chance in the NFL. Even Robin Thicke is saying, "Give it up!"
Sleep experts say that a lack of sleep can put "false memories" in a person's brain. I'm pretty a sure a park bench told me that before.
The FAA has lifted the ban on flights to Israel, saying that it's now safe to visit the land of rocket attacks and suicide bombers.
Six Flags says attendance at their parks over the past year has been down 8%. To me, it's not surprising they're experiencing roller coaster numbers.
TOP FIVE SIGNS BEEF IS GETTING WAY TOO EXPENSIVE
- Beef being dropped off at store in armored car
- T-Bone steaks offered with Zero Down and Low monthly payments!
- The steak you just ate had a street value of $50
- Cows getting tattoos that say, "Ha! You can't afford me!"
- Buy 200 pounds of beef, get a free car!
TOP FIVE SECRETS YOUR FAMILY DOG IS KEEPING FROM YOU
- OK, that winning lottery ticket that disappeared -- I buried it by the... oh wait, SQUIRREL!!
- Has been working on a plan 7 years to finally get that mailman
- In the 7th grade, your son actually paid to have his homework eaten
- In the morning, your breath is actually worse
- To be honest, he kinda likes cats
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--Talking about my cousin-in-law Donnie this week on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack