This Week's Wacks
Our 967th Edition
"Pretty big words for such a little font"
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August 1st, 2014

New York City has been named the "least happy city" in the country. Imagine what they said when they heard that news. Whatever you imagined, you're correct.

A new poll shows that Darth Vader is more popular than all of the potential 2016 presidential candidates. He was also the most popular choice among the voters on Alderaan until he blew it up.

A McDonald's worker in Pennsylvania has been arrested for selling crack cocaine at work. Yeah, it was that same employee with the bumper sticker that said, "You deserve a line today."

Duran Duran is suing their own fan club, saying that the club cheated them out of revenue. Well, that ought to thin out the membership.

Mark Zuckerberg is claiming that the average Facebook user spends 40 minutes a day on the site. I'd probably spend more if it weren't for that pesky day job.

An initiative for marijuana legalization has made it on to the November ballot in Oregon. The trick now, of course, is getting supporters to remember to vote. "Oh, wow... the election was last week? Bummer... "

Buzzfeed has fired its political editor for plagiarism. According to his registration letter, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

A new poll ranks New York City as the most-unhappy city in America. Football season only antagonizes it.

I still have a hard time imagining that Charlize Theron is engaged to Sean Penn. Maybe there's still time to get her some of that "Lucy" drug, before it's too late.

This week marks the 100th anniversary of World War I, just in case a Kaiser seems mad at you for not remembering.

Is it considered redundant to text a Texan?

I don't necessarily want to be a well-known author, I'd just like to write weller. I'm sorry, that should be gooder.

It's the 100th anniversary of the beginning of World War I, which was supposed to be "the war to end all wars." Talk about a tremendous marketing failure...

Former president Warren G. Harding's love letters to his mistress have been released by the Library of Congress. This would explain why congressmen spend so much time in their library.

A study says that fist bumps spread 90% fewer germs than handshakes. A germ-infested high five to whoever figured that out.

Freddie Prinze, Jr. says that working with Kiefer Sutherland made him want to quit acting. Of course, the question has to be asked: "Who knew he had started?"

Sarah Palin now has her own subscription TV channel. I've already ordered not to get it for two full years.

Well, the trading deadline passed and you're still with the team.

Two older men are being sought by Chicago Police for robbing a pharmacy and taking Viagra. The subjects have been described as "armed and amorous."

A professor claims it would be a good idea to lower the drinking age to 8 years old. Once again, I'm going to have to say, "Boy, we never had things like that when I was a kid."

Yeah, I DVR'd "Sharknado 2."  The cable company has records, so I might as well admit it.

LeBron James announced that he will wear his original jersey number 23 when he returns to the Cavaliers this season….just to tick off all those funs who burned his jersey when he left.

The TSA is offering a $5,000 reward for the best idea on how to speed up airport security lines.  If you win, you'll get $1 a year for the next 5,000 years.

TOP FIVE HINTS THE BOSS REALLY DOESN'T LIKE YOU

  1.     Every year on his taxes, writes off your salary as a loss
  2.     Only one not invited to the company picnic--again
  3.     He recently gave you a "Congratulations for being passed over for a promotion for the 1,000th time" card
  4.     You hear him often use the phrase, the (your first name) problem
  5.     Refers to you as "Mr. Next to Go"

TOP FIVE SENIOR SUPERHEROES

  1.      Rust Man
  2.     The Masked Gas Man
  3.     The Wrinkle-ator
  4.     The Walker
  5.      Indigesto
Laugh a little, would ya?                 
                    Tim

PS--Another George Takei classic makes up this week's Facebook Post of the Week.
PSPS--Around Seattle, everyone I know is talking about Bob Rivers. So am I, on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack