This Week's Wacks
Our 968th Edition
"The 968th post on the 8th day of the 8th month. What's it mean?"
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August 8th, 2014
A couple was arrested in West Virginia after the man was seen being walked around naked and on a leash. Apparently, he didn't have a license.
They're working on bringing back the old game show, "To Tell The Truth." Needless to say, no one from congress will be on it.
A study says that soda causes memory issues in rats. That explains Coca Cola's new slogan: "Have a Coke and a... something."
A study says that depression increases the risk of dementia. My suggestion -- don't even react to that.
I remember back when "Jaws" came out and, after seeing the movie, I was afraid to go to the beach. Now, after "Sharknado 2," I'm afraid someone will find out I watched it.
In Sweden, someone found IKEA bags with 80 skeletons inside. The worst part -- they were all unassembled.
Dustin Johnson has reportedly been suspended from the PGA Tour for failing a drug test for cocaine. The accusation is bad enough, but you know what really hurts? All the caddy remarks.
"Sharknado" star Tara Reid has launched a new fragrance line called "Shark" for $24.99 a bottle. Just splash on a little and you'll feel like you can't act.
A pro-marijuana activist claims responsibility for placing white flags on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. Everyone was relieved it wasn't the New York Jets.
OK, was anyone else thinking that "Under the Dome" was a TV show about what Steve Balmer was thinking? (or choose the bald man of your choice)
According to a new study, horses communicate with each other by using their ears. One of the most common phrases they use is, "Well, at least I'm not Prince Charles!"
Syracuse University has been ranked the number one party school in the nation. They were going to receive a trophy, but no one was conscious enough to accept it.
A U.S. scientist says that aliens will be discovered within the next two decades... or, whenever you travel to Texas, Arizona or California, whichever comes first.
A new app allows neighbors to exchange leftovers with each other. And we have a front-runner for the "Most unnecessary app of the year" award.
Sharknado 2 is coming to movie theaters for one night later this month. That's good. Walking out of your house isn't as rewarding as walking out of a theater...
The FDA is warning that there could be some health risks with tattoo ink. Hope they aren't going to insist on disclaimers written on my lower back.
Russian hackers have stolen 1.2 billion usernames and passwords. Oh, wait. I just got an email that said, "That's 1.3 billion, comrade."
Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have ended their so-called feud after eight years. It's sad to think of all those joke possibilities being lost….
Buffalo is getting ready to host the National Scrabble Championship this weekend. I think it's great when Scrabble fans get together for a spell.
Scrabble is the only game where someone will actually try to convince you that Skzybrak is a word.
Last week, a truck on an Indianapolis highway spilled over 45,000 pounds of butter onto the road. Damage was margarine-able.
Hawaii is experiencing its first hurricane in 22 years. How did I not end up on vacation there this week?
...as suspicious as a teenage boy with a poster of Megan Fox and a 3-D printer.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE TALKING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A TWITTER EXPERT
- Asks when he should use the hashbrown sign
- Says he prefers artificial tweetener
- Complains that he just starts telling a joke and runs out of room
- Wants to know if Twitter is connected to the Internet
- Refers to tweets as 'twits'
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU CAN TELL THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER ARE HERE
- For some odd reason, you just chased the neighbor's cat
- You circle your chair twice before sitting down
- That's strange -- you have fleas!
- You woke up this morning wearing a collar
- The dog has hired someone to watch you so he can go on vacation
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--A former love returns to my life. Details on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack