This Week's Wacks
Our 969th Edition
"969 looks just like 696 when you look at itupside down"
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August 15th, 2014
Exactly mid-way through August. The Christmas stuff will be arriving at Costco any day now....
Smokey Bear, the Forest Service's fire prevention symbol, turned 70 on Saturday. As he does every year, the family will light the candles on his cake, he'll douse it with water, stir with a shovel and then douse again.
A city in China has banned people with large beards from riding public transportation. Not that Christmas was a big holiday there, anyway...
A floating restaurant in Kentucky sank into the Ohio River. The restaurant owner said he suddenly felt like a homeowner.
A bedbug infestation has been found on New York City subway trains. These days, a train might not be the only thing you'll catch.
Some scientists say they were able to reverse the effects of Alzheimer's Disease in mice... and they did it for all the mice, except the ones who were Colorado Rockies fans.
ABC has canceled "The Black Box." Wish I had known about it, so I could be upset.
Then again, that could have been it's problem. A poll says that trust in the government is at an all-time low, with one in ten Americans saying they never trust the government. Now I wonder if the government just wants us to believe that?
McDonald's reported its worst global sales since 2003, dropping 2.5%. The other day, I noticed their Happy Meals were now known as Only Mildly Amused Meals.
Kim Kardashian is going to publish a book of selfies called "Selfish" that will sell for $19.95. She's already pre-ordered three for her herself.
Tuesday was National Lazy Day. Just couldn't get up the energy to tell you.
One year, just one year, can we do a Perseid Meteor Bath instead?
Timex announced that it's creating a new smart watch that can track your speed, distance, and GPS. Considering I don't get around much, it's got a pretty easy job.
You know, when you think about it, you can understand why the Mayans called themselves by that name. Your-uns just doesn't have the same ring.
I don't know who said, but I love the line about being on two diets, because I just wasn't getting enough food with just one.
I saw a book on how to boost my confidence, but I was afraid to buy it.
Nicky Hilton and James Rothschild are engaged. I couldn't even afford to park cars at that wedding.
I'm pretty sure this is where gun opponents are going to suggest that belts be outlawed & that we all switch to suspenders to save lives...
Researchers say that Mesa, Arizona is the most conservative city in the U.S.. Residents there actually consider Rush Limbaugh a liberal.
A new study claims that deodorants may actually make you smell worse! I argued that it was impossible on your behalf.
A Chinese phone company has announced that the name of their new phone will be the "Nana." Nothing says cutting edge of technology like naming a phone after your grandmother.
Jennifer Lopez's new single it titled "Booty" and it's expected to be big. And the song….
I'm watching the news and wondering when we walked through a time wrinkle and returned to the 1960's?
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR MAY NOW BE A ZOMBIE
- He just came over to borrow a cup of brains
- He owns a human-size Tupperware container
- He's on his 23rd mailman. Don't know what happened to the others
- Only thing he's said to you the past several months is (wheezy breathing)
- Hasn't bathed since last year
TOP FIVE NICKNAMES OF UNSUCCESSFUL MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYERS
- Sir Strikes A Lot
- Sure Out Sherman
- Peter Pop Up
- Ground out Garrison
- Whiffer Johnson
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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