This Week's Wacks
Our 974th Edition
"Next time you're feeling low and down in the dumps, look for an old bed frame, woud ya?"
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September 19th, 2014

Cab drivers in San Diego are upset because they have to pass a body odor test. Although, keep in mind, people were complaining from as far away as Los Angeles... ..

A study says that teens who smoke pot are 62% less likely to finish high school. The biggest challenge: remembering where it is.

A study says that eating fish may prevent hearing loss. What? Your buddy says a bleeding dish could dent cheering floss?

I posted this the other day: "I am going to be off Facebook for the next five minutes. Please call or text if you need to reach me."

I'm waiting for the day that Starbucks buys the naming rights to the Grande Coulee dam.

5.4 million Americans report Scottish ancestry. There are probably more, but those are the ones who are too damn cheap to pay for the stamp on the survey!

In California, a nudist camp is accused of stealing water during that state's big drought. Leaders at the camp, as you would expect, say they have nothing to hide.

A report shows that Americans prefer red wine over white by 40% to 30%. The bad news -- that's just for breakfast.

An American has been sentenced to six years hard labor in North Korea. OK, I have to ask: I haven't seen a lot of commercials for it. Why would anyone pick North Korea as their vacation hot spot?

81 year old Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner has married a 24 year old Playboy model. Why? Because he can.

My country cousin Fitz passed this along---Paris Hilton bought a $13,000 Pomeranian. If you want one for yourself, they can be purchased at

Alex Trebek is bringing back his mustache for the new season of "Jeopardy," 13 years after he shaved it off. I'm sorry... in the form of a question? OK, "What is Alex Trebek thinking?" or "What's that thing doing back on Alex's lip?"

The NFL has created a board of 4 women to help them with women's issues... and as soon as they stop referring to them as the "Broad Squad," we can start on those changes.

Some of the features of Windows 9 are starting to leak out. The Blue Screen of Death is now going to be available in other colors. And, for those occasions, there's a built-in swear button. Sounds convenient to me!

Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III was reportedly told by an NFL official not to wear his Jesus t-shirt during an interview. Well, yeah--you've got an image to protect in-between arrests!

After being called insensitive and uncaring about domestic violence, the NFL today came out and said that players will face severe consequences if they're ever caught on camera.

How many times do you ask yourself: "Do I talk to myself too much?"

The Minnesota Vikings have placed Adrian Peterson on the exempt list, meaning he has to stay away from all team activities. Ironically, they gave him a timeout instead of a spanking.

The Vikings have ordered Adrian Peterson to stay away from the team. I'm pretty sure his 4-year-old son is asking, "You can do that?"

If the universe was truly balanced, Heidi Klum would be dreaming just as much about me.

Robin Thicke says he was on Vicodin and alcohol while he recorded "Blurred Lines." Makes you realize how close we were to the song being called, "Straight lines."

A study says that mice that were given a human brain gene learned how to perform tasks better. It also caused them to notice that Mickey Mouse is not wearing pants.

Clear Channel has changed its name to iHeartMedia... because it's so much more caring to be laid off at Christmas by a company with the word "heart" in the name.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's brother Doug Ford has announced that he'll be running in his brother's place. He's already received the endorsement of dozens of comedy writers.

They're voted in Scotland yesterday on whether they're going to break away from the U.K. I didn't even know if it was a part of the University of Kentucky.

Gerard Depardieu says he can "absorb" up to 14 bottles of wine a day. I try to demonstrate more control and limit myself to three boxes, tops.

Apple was getting complaints from people, after they received the new U2 album whether they wanted it or not.  Just when you think people might be running out of things to complain about, a free U2 album comes along.

I'm not surprised Scotland wanted to break up with the U.K.  I actually heard Scotland was already seeing other countries.

Looks like Scotland might break away from the United Kingdom and get away 100% Scot-free!


  1.     The sign: "Weapons Grade BBQ Sauce"
  2.     Guy in front of you just stuck his head in the ice machine
  3.     There's that woman who yelled, "OMG, don't get any on your skin!"
  4.     And have to sign a release
  5.     Before sampling, you have to provide proof of insurance card


  1.     The Andy Spada-pus
  2.     The Bieber-dactyl
  3.     The Miley Cyratops
  4.     The Lindsius Lohanus
  5.     The Kardashianasaurus
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS--George Takei retakes his page today in our Facebook Post of the Week
PSPS--A concert review and an eating adventure on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack