This Week's Wacks
Our 976th Edition
"Laugh and the world pretends to laugh with you while they dial 9-1-1"
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October 3rd, 2014
Chris and Bruce Jenner are getting a divorce. Bruce has already made arrangements to have his face adjusted to 'sad'.
We don't know for sure that Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert are having marriage problems, but we did see several attorneys circling the couple.
We're now hearing that last week's White House intruder went in even further than originally reported. Since when did the Secret Service get weather forecasting accountability?
Scientists in Prague say they've been able to make water move on its own. I'm usually up doing that several times a night.
I saw this headline in a magazine: "Are kettle-cooked chips healthier than regular chips?" If you eat both, you don't have to know.
A report says that one in four Americans between 25 and 54 are not working. And that's just among those with jobs!!!
Scientists in Rochester, New York have unveiled an actual "invisibility cloak." Unfortunately, now they can't find it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been named a tourist ambassador for Madrid. The phrase, "Lock up your maids!" comes to mind.
Talk about a real bender over the weekend. I probably should take this iPhone 6 back.
Snoop Dogg is an investor in a new app that helps people trade stocks more easily. The app's slogan: "Buy high, sell high, be high."
Jon Gruden's name keeps coming up for the new Oakland Raiders head coach job. If nothing else, they could always just put Frank Caliendo in there.
I must have missed the memo: when did praying become "unsportsman-like conduct?"
Pope Francis I says that Satan seduces us by disguising evil as good. And THAT'S what happened to that box of donuts I was supposed to bring into work today….
A Louisiana restaurant is offering a 10% discount to any customers who are carrying weapons. And, needless to say, faster service…
You know, I remember when people used to say, "Hey, nice curves!" and they weren't talking about an iPhone.
A study says that after school fitness may improve classroom performance. Can the treadmill student desk be far behind?
Another new study says an antioxidant found in wine may help fight acne. Well, that explains my beautiful skin.
One thing we'll always be able to say about Windows 9-we never had a problem with it!
Scientists have been counting and say there are 117-million lakes on the planet. I find it amazing that no matter which lake I'm fishing at, they're catching 'em at all the other ones.
Harley-Davidson is recalling more than 100,000 motorcycles because of a problem with the clutch that could cause crashes. How'd you like to be the guy who has to tell Harley owners there's been a recall? There's a dream job!
Still waiting for that invitation to the George Clooney wedding. I just HAS to be stuck in the mail somewhere…..
Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps had another DUI arrest. The arresting officer said he blew a .0136234.
OK, now it makes sense. It seems that the guys in Tom Brady's offensive line in New England-ALL were former security guards at the White House.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SEEING A DOCTOR
- People think you painted your face for the big game and you didn't
- Everywhere you go, those pesky vultures are always there
- You have a temperature of 140
- You keep coughing up hairballs
- Well, those back feathers for starters
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--A big step for me this week! Details on my blog
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