This Week's Wacks
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October 10th, 2014
A new study says if you have two glasses of wine every night, you have a drinking problem. I don't have wine every night. I usually skip one night every year. I think it's sometime in May...
Well, I guess there goes next year's vacation plans to Liberia.
My only question about the Secret Service -- if they're not a secret and they're not providing the service, what exactly are they?
Lamborghini is going to unveil a 910 horsepower plug-in hybrid car. I think I'll hold out for the solar-powered Porsche.
Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson has confessed to have been a bully as a child. Then again, he gave Denver quite the beating last February.
If I hang up on you quickly this week, forgive me. It's the week they're handing out the Nobel Peace Prizes and I don't want to miss anyone on call-waiting.
Saw this on an employee's shirt at a Halloween store: "We put the tomb in costume!"
Hewlett-Packard is splitting into two separate companies. Not sure which one gets the hyphen.
Hewlett-Packard is breaking up. Now you'll have to not buy their products from two different companies.
IKEA has unveiled a line of furniture they say will take five minutes to assemble. I'm sure the caveat is that's true IF you read instructions, like that's gonna happen.
The security chief of Comcast has been named the new Director of the Secret Service. He says the next time there's a White House intruder, they'll be there... sometime between 9am and 5pm.
Piers Morgan says CNN was to blame for the failure of his show and that they were too obsessed about ratings. As you know, when it comes to CNN, ratings are nothing to worry about.
The world's oldest clown, Floyd "Creaky" Creekmore of Montana, passed away at age 98. They're expecting a large turnout for his funeral... all arriving in one car.
The governor of Colorado says that voters were reckless in approving recreational use of marijuana. A spokesman for the pro-marijuana movement wasn't up yet.
There was a big lunar eclipse Wednesday night. I have a hard time getting excited about the fact that night would be going dark.
Kylie Jenner has introduced her own line of hair extensions. Absolutely nothing real about that family.
The Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City sold for a record $1.95 Billion. Best Groupon ever!!!
A new brand of sunglasses sends out an alert when they are left behind. Now all we need is a beeper that sends out a beep when it's left behind and I'm all set!
You can tell the people who got up at 2am to see the "Blood Moon" Wednesday morning. They're the ones with the bloodshot eyes.
Artificial Intelligence experts say that over the next few years, robots will be taking most people's jobs. Can I request we start with the Raking Leaves robots?
Russian dictator Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. If he wins, the name of the award will be changed to the Nobel Peace if You Surrender Prize.
Life expectancy in the U.S. has reached an all-time high. A spokesman for Craftsmen tools, the ones with the lifetime guarantee, responded with, "Damn!"
The Secret Service says 60% of the threats against the President are made online. The rest walk in the front door of the White House.
There are reports that some iPhone 6 users say the devices sometimes pull out their hair. Pitbull says he's never had a problem.
Russia's Vladimir Putin celebrated his 62nd birthday this week. What do you get for a dictator that takes anything he wants?
Radio bro Bruce Murdock makes a good point: It's hard to take the Nobel Chemistry prize seriously when it wasn't awarded to the people who discovered Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Green Day & Nine Inch Nails have been nominated for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah, apparently we've gotten that far down on the list.
TOP TEN POSSIBLE TITLES FOR THE NEXT INDIANA JONES MOVIE
"Indiana Jones and the... uh... shoot... I knew it when I came in here"
"Indiana Jones and the AARP Junkmail"
"Indiana Jones and the Temple of Prune"
"Indiana Jones and the Bronze Walker"
"Indiana Jones and the Laxative of Doom"
"Indiana Jones and the Golden Bedpan"
"Dyslexics of Temple The and Jones Indiana"
(Thanks Scott Burns)
"Raiders of the... I'm lost... where did I park?"
(Thanks Brian MacMillan)
"Indiana Jones and the...HEY...get off my lawn!"
(Thanks Scott Janzen)
"Indiana Jones and the Legion of Boom" Go Hawks!
(Thanks Ivar Sandsmark)
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--George Takei with a look back to the goodl old days on our
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