This Week's Wacks
Our 978th Edition
"There was a time when I confused Ebola and Ricola"
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October 17th, 2014
Amazon is going to open it's first-ever brick and mortar store in New York City. I suppose if it makes it there.
Disney says it will invest $1.3 billion into Disneyland Paris to deal with complaints of poor maintenance, lousy food and mediocre attractions. If it were me, the first thing I'd fix would be "It's a rude world after all."
The Supreme Court is considering whether Amazon employees should be paid for the time they spend in daily theft screenings. Once again, it all comes down to trust issues.
HTC is debuting a new cellphone with a camera specifically made for selfies. Apparently, we've slipped through a time warp. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to 2006.
A survey found that more than half of Americans see President Obama's time in office as a failure. And that's just among the fence-hoppers!
I went outside the other night to see the Blood Moon. It wasn't that impressive. More like a Blood Light.
Standard and Poor's has downgraded Finland's rating from AAA to AA+. I didn't even know it wore a bra.
A new report claims gasoline prices in California could fall as much as thirty cents a gallon by Christmas. Yes, that's what you're getting this year.
Esquire Magazine has named Penelope Cruz the "Sexiest Woman Alive." Apparently, you only have to be sexy through October to win. She's planning to spend the rest of the years in sweat pants and a t-shirt.
Its fall in Seattle... or, as we call it, "the rinse cycle."
Well, time to go out and hit the "After Indigenous People's Day Sales!"
Dear Seattle City Council, PLEASE don't rename Thanksgiving "Indigenous Turkey Day."
Sunday's season 5 premiere of "The Walking Dead" included a warning, "May not be suitable for children." You think we might have figured that out during the first four seasons?
North Korea's Kim Jong-Un has made his first public appearance in 40 days and, this time, with a walking stick. Could be his old "Dancing with the Communist Stars" injury flaring up again...
When I first heard Buffalo had fire their coach, I thought it was the Bills. It turns out it was the University of Buffalo. Then I heard they fired him after their loss last weekend to Eastern Michigan and then it made me think it was the Bills again.
This year's big Halloween movie in North Korea: "Night of the living Kim Jung-Un Dead."
The deer population on New York's Staten Island has gone from 24 to over 600 in just six years. Well, it's not like they have a TV to watch...
A tractor-trailer rig was stolen in Florida on Sunday. The thieves got away with 18 tons of Crisco. Yes, vegetable shortening. The suspects were described as "armed and greasy."
Police hope to get it all back except for one tablespoon.
According to a new study, humans would only last 68 days if they tried to live on Mars. That is, until that new Starbucks goes in...
House prices in the U.K. are going out the roof! Should we tell them how this thing ends?
A cow in Illinois named Blosom is heading to the Guinness book of World Records. She's big. The tip of her shoulder is 6-foot 4-inches off the ground! If anyone has the right to be Bossy, she does!
A study says that drinking coffee may protect the liver. I think I just heard my liver yell out, "Duh!"
J.C. Penney has chosen a former Home Depot executive as their new CEO. I can hardly wait to see the J.C. Penny aprons.
Marijuana and $4,600 in cash were reportedly found in the dorm room of a football player at Alabama. Sounds like the old college days... except for the $4,600 part... and being a college athlete...
The phrase "Roll this, Tide" comes to mind...
A new survey found that people in New York are the most generous tippers at restaurants. No, I've never been to New York. Why do you ask?
The stock market keeps falling. Then again, it is fall.
Mattel's earnings are down, as Barbie's popularity slowly declines. But, despite all that, the guy I feel sorry for is Ken. You know why.
Scientists have started calling the time we are living in "the Anthropocene," or the age of humans. I believe Anthropocene is Latin for "My God! Look how much they've screwed this place up!"
A study says that 78% of women want a husband who has a steady job. So guys, the trick is finding one of those 22% that don't mind you staying at home playing video games all day.
Canada has developed a vaccine for Ebola that will be tested on 40 American volunteers.
A Swiss watchmaker has come out with a wristwatch that is selling for $2.6 Million. Or, you could just look at your phone for free.
A bar in London has been named the world's best bar for the third year in a row. Some regular customers say it's that good…while outsiders are convinced that customers just drank it that good.
For the last two months, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un was thought to be missing. It turns out that he was actually doing a nightly show on CNN. Yeah, who'd know?
TOP FIVE BEST EXCUSES FOR NOT RAKING THE LEAVES
- The rake broke... when I drove over the tool shed
- And deprive kids the fun of jumping around in them?
- It's not a union job and I'm a union guy
- The kids down the street might need them for a school project
- Its nature's own fertilizer
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU MAY HAVE BEEN USING YOUR CREDIT CARD TOO MUCH LATELY
- It's smoldering
- The numbers are practically warn off
- When you hand over your card, every clerk says, "Oh! You again!"
- VISA sent you a dozen roses
- Your credit limit is now tied with Bolivia
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--I love fall!!! I'll tell you why on my blog
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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