This Week's Wacks
Our 981st Edition
"I'm running a little behind this week. Now, where's that mail-in ballot..."
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November 7th, 2014
Google is working on a computer that would program itself. Wouldn't it be awesome if we caught it using Bing?
A candidate for Lt. Governor in Arkansas has admitted having a past job as a male stripper. This explains how he has paid for most of his campaign with dollar bills.
Apparently, he may not have a lot of experience, but he does know his way around the pole.
Comcast has settled a lawsuit which accused them of overcharging cable customers....or as that's known today at Comcast, "Friday."
Apple is reportedly in talks to make the iPhone available in Iran. Their talks have mostly been with Ayatollah ThisWouldHappen.
If Iran allows the iPhone to come into their country, it will give all of the women there something else they're not allowed to do.
A new study found that avid drinkers of milk have a 16 percent increased risk of cardiovascular disease. However, they do enjoy a nice white moostache.
Two of the early U.S. Ebola patients flew on airplanes before being quarantined. Now, at at-risk nurse insists on going on a bike ride. I'm beginning to think that one of the symptoms of Ebola is wanting to travel.
The Cat Town Cafe has opened up in Oakland, the very first "Cat Cafe" in the U.S.. It's where you can go in, enjoy a meal and play with wall-to-wall cats. I hope they allow dogs...
It's MO-vember, when you're supposed to grow a mustache to raise awareness of prostate and testicular cancer. It's one of the very few good causes that tickles.
Millionaire Steve Balmer said in an interview that he's tired of looking back on his Microsoft career. I'm sure it must detract from counting his money.
Jay Leno makes his first in-studio appearance on "The Tonight Show" since he left in February this Friday. They really should have a "Wrestle for the Desk" game.
A British communications expert says, in the grand scheme of things, misspellings and typo's don't really matter. That's gud.
In Seattle, a car drove through the drive-through window of a Starbucks yesterday. Only problem, they didn't have a drive-through window... until the guy drove through it.
They say we're close to an app that can tell you when a person is lying. Right now, the only way we can tell for sure is if the person on the phone uses the phrase, "And I'm running for office."
Lindsay Lohan and her brother are being sued for $60 Million for allegedly stealing the idea for an app. Nice she could include a family member.
Isn't it nice to wake up in a land without political campaign commercials... for at most, another couple of months?
Starbucks says that one in every six customers pays for their drinks with their phone. Since the cost of a triple-grande latte is about the same as an iPhone, it' usually an even swap.
When you think about it, Rene Zellweger had it easy this Halloween. She was able to go out as herself!
A reminder that this is the week we all complain about changing the clocks. Just in case you forgot...
Oil prices have hit a 4-year-low, while the dollar is at an all-time high. Amazing what an election can do.
Oprah has unveiled her favorite things for 2014. I'm just going to assume that the election results were not on the list.
Tom Hanks will publish a book of short stories about his collection of typewriters. I don't want to spoil it for you, but I'm fairly certain that somewhere in the book, a quick brown fox will jump over a lazy dog.
A study claims that 400-million birds have vanished from Europe since 1980. At least this would explain why their 50-million cats are all smiling.
Fox TV has renewed "Gotham" for another half-season. Yet another example of why the Oakland Raiders should be thankful they're not a TV show.
Phil Rudd, drummer for rock band AC/DC, is being accused of trying to arrange two murders. This has not only shaken up a lot of people, but for some, it shook them all night long.
Just wondering out loud-think Dr. Dre will ever go for his Ph.D.?
Looking at the election results map, I haven't seen this much red since the last wedding on "Game of Thrones!"
Doctors are warning that sitting can become the new smoking. Wait-so, if I want to sit down, I'm going to have go 25-feet from the front door?
TOP FIVE THINGS WE'RE REALLY TIRED OF HEARING
- "... and I approved this message"
- "The clock says (time) but it's really (standard time)"
- "Think the Oakland Raiders will win this week?"
- "Being quarantined is unfair!"
- "It's your turn to empty the dishwasher!"
TOP FIVE SIGNS WE'RE GETTING NEAR THANKSGIVING
- Costco has put out the Valentine's Day stuff
- Family arguments heat up over moving dinner to accommodate football game
- Butterball hotline workers excited to talk to their 1-millionth moron
- Turkeys asking to be placed in the Main Course Protection Program
- Changing our use of the word "turkey" from politics to food
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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