This Week's Wacks
Our 984th Edition
"Tomorrow will be Black Thursday if you overcook the Turkey"
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November 26th, 2014
A special short-week edition:
A report says that cars of the future will be able to read minds that can anticipate drivers' next moves. Now we just need a jamming signal to block out the driver in the back seat.
A new "normal" Barbie is being marketed that comes with average proportions, acne, a tattoo and cellulite. In other news, Ken has started seeing Skipper.
Folger's Coffee says that its recent price increase was a "misstep." Makes me think the decision makers there need to switch to Starbucks.
A study says that alcohol damages white matter in the brain which can disrupt a person's judgment and reasoning abilities. I hope that study didn't cost a lot.
A study says that men find high heels sexier... but after a while, they really hurt.
Colorado has approved a credit union for marijuana stores. There was a time when banks gave away toasters. Now, they're loaning money to the toasted.
JetBlue is reducing the leg room in its jets by 1.5-inches. I've meaning to complain about all that extra room. I like it when the guy in front of me leans his seat back and holds my head up while I sleep.
A study says that many binge drinkers are not alcoholics. So, I've been feeling all this time for nothing? I need a drink.
Queen Elizabeth's chef was fired after getting into a heated scuffle with another member of the Buckingham Palace staff and head-butting him. Apparently, she was not amused.
Drew Brees is on his way to becoming only the third quarterback to beat all 32 NFL teams. It's kind of like blackout Bingo, with the Oakland Raiders being the Free Space.
I'm having a hard time connecting protesting social injustice and looting a liquor store.
No one hates the phrase "Fall Finale" more than a turkey.
Jose Conseco's engagement is officially over. His fiancé, Leila, called it off. As to the reasons why, Jose says he can't put his finger on it.
Nothing says "I'm against social injustice" like burning down the business of someone you don't even know.
JetBlue is reducing leg room by 1.5 inches after all those complaints about the seats being too comfortable.
Police in Israel seized dozens of weapons that had been disguised as Christmas decorations. I would think if you were trying to be inconspicuous, you probably wouldn't have disguised them as Christmas presents in Israel.
AAA says an increase in holiday travel will jam up southern California freeways over Thanksgiving. That's the first time that has ever happened since yesterday.
President Obama continued the tradition and offered an official pardon to the White House turkey. At first when he heard the news, Joe Biden asked, "What'd I do wrong?"
According to a new survey, 17% of Americans can't identify Bill Gates. This group is known as "people who own a Mac and don't care."
TOP FIVE WAYS TO SPICE UP YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER
- Popcorn in the stuffing
- Last one done has to do the dishes!!
- Make a "Close Encounters" model with the yams
- Surprise them with Tofurkey
- A dribble gravy saucer
TOP FIVE THANKSGIVING CAROLS
- "I'm dreaming... of a... oh, wow! Football is on!"
- "You're a mean pants, Mr. Pinch"
- "The First No... ... more"
- "Little Drumstick Boy"
- "God rest ye merry over-eaters"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--Time for a little gratefulness on my blog
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