This Week's Wacks
Our 988th Edition
"Why can't I remember my old acquaintances?"
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January 9th, 2015
A new app helps spot signs of mental distress in social media. Needless to say, once it starts running, it never stops.
A study says that Smartphone use is changing the way we use our brains. I'm shocked that some people are still using theirs.
Clint Eastwood's divorce has been finalized. Hey, great-grandma, he's available.
About 2014: Let it go, let it go...
A study says that birds that are drunk slur their "speech" just like people. Yeah, when I hear a robin whistling "It's all about that bass," I figure someone put some wine in the birdbath to keep it from freezing.
Justin Bieber has been voted the least desirable celebrity neighbor. Hey, egg stains are hard to get out!
Lindsay Lohan was hit with a virus while on her holiday vacation. I gotta say, that's a pretty brave virus.
In their description, doctors used the terms "nausea" and "light-headed feeling." But enough about Lindsay... ...
Congress returns back to work this week, if that isn't an oxymoron.
Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs are now officially divorced. They separated a year ago, right around the town she started singing "Let it go" constantly around the house. Understood.
I see the sign outside Bill Cosby's house now says, "8 days since our last new allegation." (wrote this earlier in the week)
Apparently my hair and the price of oil are having a race -- who can fall the fastest.
A new study claims that the biggest cause of cancer is purely bad luck. Good thing I bought that anti-carcinogen rabbit's foot.
The newest members of congress are settling into their jobs this week. This is that honeymoon period where they actually believe they're going to get something done. It's so cute.
At what point should I just give up on my last-minute Christmas shopping?
Sarah Palin's husband says he stands by her. Unfortunately, he was on the dog, too.
It's so cold, Frosty the snowman was seen rubbing his arms together to stay warm.
Rolls Royce says they're enjoying their best sales in history. Well, of course-the price of gas is down so much, we can finally afford one!
A report says that robots can learn tasks by watching Youtube videos. Although they prefer Vimeo.
A Connecticut brewery has apologized for marketing a beer named after Ghandi. When you think about it, non-violence and beer are seldom heard in the same sentence.
A new study says that kids with smartphones in their bedrooms sleep less. When I think of how much money they wasted for a study like this….
General Mills has announced that they're making a new flavor of Cheerios made from quinoa. Take just one step closer to kale and I'm out of here!
Kim Jong Un's sister got married. The couple is NOT registered at Sony.
This is the 114th session of congress. Hard to believe any team has gone 0-114.
The Consumer Electronics Show is underway in Las Vegas. Hey, if anyone there is listening: you know those robot vacuums that run around the house by themselves? Do one that shovels snow!
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE NFL REFEREE PROBABLY BLEW THAT CALL
- He was at a baseball game
- Instead of flag, accidentally threw his belt
- Heard him saying, "Eenie, meenie, minie, mo... "
- The replay showed him in line for a hot dog
- Well, to be honest, the game hadn't started yet
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU HAVE A SHAKY FINANCIAL ADVISOR
- His website is its-fraud-only-if-you-get-caught dot com
- His favorite movie is "Catch me if you can"
- Has a license plate frame that says "Shoot! Lost it all again!"
- Your retirement money goes into something he calls "My 401K"
- His return address is "I'd rather not say"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---Two things I'd like to talk about on my blog this week: telemarketers and Randy Johnson. Click here
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack