This Week's Wacks
Our 989th Edition
"Would it be redundant if there was a fine for fine print?
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial

January 16th, 2015

Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis in the Vatican. We're all going to lay low on reminding him that "when you think of a sin, you've committed it in your heart."

9 people were infected with measles while visiting Disneyland. The doctor took one look and said, "It's a small rash, after all."

In Florida, a couple was arrested for having sex on top of a car at a dealership. Apparently, they were having their own personal Toyota-thon.

A baby girl in Missouri was born with two front teeth. Now we'll have no idea what she wants for Christmas.

Starbucks has introduced a new coffee from Australia called, "The Flat White." If you drink them enough, you'll be flat broke.

OK, if I can be completely honest, I can believe it's not butter.

Hawaii has broken record cold temperatures that have stood for 122 years. I find it amazing that I'm not on vacation there.

Starbucks has introduced a new coffee drink called "the Flat White." For coffee drinkers looking for a new experience, it's a way to pay $1 more than just buying a latte.

The Rockefeller Christmas Tree has been taken down. Now, they're asking about yours.

Due to a slowing of the Earth's rotation, scientists are adding an extra second to 2015. Now, to figure out what to do with all that spare time...

64 Dartmouth students, all athletes have been suspended for cheating in an ethics class. I would think that makes grading for that class pretty easy...
Radio brother Bruce Murdock said he had no idea that you could major in irony.

A report says that Nordic countries are setting the standard towards a cashless society. Hey, I've been out of cash years before it became trendy...

With the falling gasoline prices, I can finally afford to drive around a Humvee. Now, I still can't afford the Humvee, but I could afford the gas.

Pope Francis had to cancel scheduled meetings on Tuesday because of exhaustion. Nothing worse than pooped Pope.

A new study says a high-fiber diet means a lower risk of death. Well, yeah, how much danger can you be in when you're in the bathroom all the time?

Chris Christie's name is coming back up again as a presidential candidate, now that he doesn't have to spend so much time cheering for the Cowboys.

As divers retrieve the black boxes that survived that recent Air Asia crash, I'm reminded of the question, "So why don't they make the whole plane out of that material?"

Billy Bob Thornton says he has a lifetime goal of sleeping with Jennifer Aniston. That's great, Billy Bob, but the line is forming over there...

I flew home from LA Tuesday on a jet packed with severely depressed Oregon Duck fans. My only hope was that the pilot wasn't one of them.

A Greek historian says that Homer was not a person but a legend whom many works were attributed to. The Simpsons creator Matt Groening says the same thing.

Nike announced that this year it will sell self-lacing tennis shoes. Bending over to tie shoes is the only exercise a lot of Nike wearers actually get!

Mitt Romney said he is considering a third presidential bid. Imagine trying to win the big one and losing it three times. Oh, sorry Buffalo Bills fans...

You know, there were people in Colorado opposed to the legalization of marijuana up until last Sunday's Bronco's loss.

I find it fascinating that here it snows in feet, but over in Norway it snows in meters.

In Wisconsin, farmers said goodbye to a bull named "Toy Story", who sired over 500,000 offspring.  By the way, that's a record for anyone outside the N.B.A.

A new study says that walking just 20 minutes a day could add years to your life.  Unless, of course, you're walking to a pub.

A Hong Kong man was arrested in China for trying to smuggle in 94 iPhones taped to his body.  If only he had remembered to turn them all off….

Coors says it will soon offer a gluten-free beer.  My theory is it's for people who feel that "less" is not enough.

Bradley Cooper received an Oscar nomination for his role in "American Sniper." He shoots!  He scores!!

TOP FIVE SNEAKY WAYS TO HAVE YOUR KIDS CLEAN THE HOUSE

  1.     Try to convince that playing "Hide 'n Clean" is fun
  2.     A best reflection contest, sponsored by Pledge
  3.     Dust Bunny Roundup!
  4.     Little sister holding a damp sponge Shuffleboard
  5.     Vacuum races

TOP FIVE WORST-SELLING CEREALS OF ALL TIME

  1.     Grape Butts
  2.     Count Liverwursto
  3.     Captain Cardboard
  4.     Squid-ee-o's
  5.     Honey Bunches of Kale
Laugh a little, would ya?                 
                    Tim

PS--George Takei is at it again with this week's Facebook Post of the Week
PSPS---Something I really hope you don't miss. Click here
PSPSPS--Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack