This Week's Wacks
Our 993rd Edition
"Memories would be great if I wasn't so forgetful"
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February 13th, 2015

Harvard has officially banned sex between students and professors. You'd think they would have been smart enough to ban that earlier.

Scientists say that even cockroaches have their own personalities. That's true -- I tend to kill the annoying ones first.

A new study claims that between 13 and 36 percent of U.S. workers have had a dysfunctional boss. Question -- do they make functional ones?

NBC News anchor Brian Williams says... oh wait -- it no longer matters, right?

People say that now that Brian Williams has been caught in a lie, he should give up being a news anchor and go into politics.

Pope Francis has said that it's OK to spank, as long as it's done with dignity. This, on the week that 50 Shades of Grey comes out.

A Facebook greeting I posted on a friend's birthday: I hope your day is full of happiness and you enjoy some wine. No, wait. I hope your day is full of wine and you enjoy some happiness.

FOX News is calling for the resignation of NBC news anchor Brian Williams. However, while starting to give their reasons, their pants caught on fire...

The Seahawks are said to be getting ready to offer a contract extension to Marshawn Lynch that will leave him speechless. Then again, that won't take much.

Now you all can understand why when Brian Williams told me the Seahawks were passing on 1st and goal, I didn't believe him.

Iggy Azalea is having a Twitter war with Papa John's, after she claims one of their drivers passed around her phone number. Maybe she was afraid Peyton Manning would call.

A survey says that 60% of people expect a response to an e-mail within 48 hours. I tend to be more of the 48-second type.

Mel Brooks is hinting that he may be making a sequel to his 1987 "Star Wars" spoof "Spaceballs." And when you think about "Blazing Saddles," what else was there left to do?

Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll admitted last week that he's cried and lost sleep thinking about that controversial pass call at the Super Bowl. Pete, just so you know -- you're far from alone.

So, now we're finding out that Brian Williams asked a girl to his senior prom in high school and she actually said "Yes!" He was not shot down as he reported earlier.

From my Seabee pal, RD Peterson: Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and never left the house for 5 years. It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself.

Google is show off a new robo-dog. 170-pounds of mechanized rover. In the words of Cousin Eddie, "If he lays into you, it's better to let him just finish."

I like the idea of having a robot dog, although I wouldn't want to be the one who has to run around and pick up batteries all the time.

The University of Michigan has spent $16,000 on a program telling students not to say offensive words. Couldn't you save the $16-K and just pretend you're talking to grandma?

Pope Francis I says that it is Christian to protect the environment. He's even having "Save the Environment" put on all of the Vatican's Styrofoam cups.

A study says that financial decision making abilities decline with age. I was noticing that at the racetrack the other day...

NBC has suspend anchor Brian Williams for six months without pay. Brian says he expects it to be the toughest three months of his life and he'll look forward to seeing everyone again next week.

You know, when I first heard that NBC was suspending Brian Williams...I kind of expected the rest of the sentence to say, "..over a hot bed of coals to make sure he always tells the truth."

According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it's fine to cheat a little on your taxes. I'm sure the number would have been higher if they had used the words 'a lot'.

The inventor of the soy sauce dispenser bottle has passed away. He actually died a while ago, but it's coming out a little at a time.

A survey says the average amount of money that will be spent on Valentine's Day this year will be $142. And that's not including what you will spend on your wife.

Charlie Chaplain's first Oscar was reportedly stolen. Police are talking to Kanye. You know how he is with awards that Beyonce` doesn't get.

Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch is said to be considering retirement. Retirement? What are we going to do when we're just one yard away from winning the game and we need a guy that... oh, yeah. Never mind...

Adding insult to injury, NBC has removed Brian Williams' name from the "Nightly News with Brian Williams"-both on TV and on their website.  It's like it never really happened……

After several calls for Oregon Governor John Kitzhaber's resignation, he says he won't step down.  Sam Smith responded by saying, "That gives me a great idea for a song!"

Chinese President Xi Jinping is planning to make his first official state visit to the U.S..  Should you be fortunate enough to meet him while here, the proper way to address him is "Landlord."

Starbucks has confirmed that saxophone star Kenny G. helped create the Frappuccino.  However, they turned down the name he proposed for the coffee drink: "Do you think I'm saxy?"

OK, I'll say it:  when it comes to the Frappuccino, Starbucks says that Kenny G was instrumental.

A study says that power naps can restore the damage from the lack of sleep.  I was going to tell my boss about it yesterday, but I fell asleep.

Expedia has bought Orbitz.  My guess is the new company will not be named Exbitz.

You know, as soon as Shades of Grey hit 50, it started getting junk mail from AARP.

It's Friday the 13th, in case you forgot.  The most unlucky day of the year, unless of course you forget tomorrow is Valentine's Day.


  1.     Apologizing for telling Pete Carol to pass the ball
  2.     How he was the voice talking to Michael Keaton in 'Birdman'
  3.     The Thanksgiving his family accidentally ate the NBC peacock
  4.     Those days when he used to hang with friends down at 'Central Perk'
  5.     There's that time he did the news from the moon


  1.     "Spank You Very Much"
  2.     "Sorry, I can't make it -- I'm all tied up"
  3.     "S and M? I though you said 'M and M'"
  4.     "The Limitation Game"
  5.     "Paddle-ington"
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

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