This Week's Wacks
Our 994th Edition
"Tiny font makes tiny words"
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February 20th, 2015
Rob Lowe is going to get his own comedy on FOX, called "The Grinder." That's regular Rob Lowe, not creepy weirdo Rob Lowe.
Google is reportedly designing a sensor that tells the wearer when they have body odor and steers them away from any friends. Now, if they could just come up with a "Co-worker over-did her perfume again" alarm, we'd be set.
David Letterman said it: We invited Pete Carroll, coach of the Seahawks, to be on the show, but he passed.
It's Presidents Day -- the day we honor the great leaders of our nation by going out and checking to see if the mail's here yet, 2 or 3 times.
We're getting closer to the point when it will be easier to count the women who haven't accused Bill Cosby.
Ironically, "50 Shades of Grey" is dominating the box office.
A passenger on board an Alaska Airlines flight from LA to Portland was stung by a scorpion. Probably most surprising -- that the scorpion had enough room to do that.
A Comfort Inn in Hollywood has been named by cheating website Ashley Madison as the top spot for celebrities having affairs. Go there enough and you can get the Charlie Sheen bulk rate.
Singer Leslie Gore passed away at age 68. You can cry if you want to, cry if you want to, cry if you want to...
If Monday was President's Day, shouldn't Tuesday have been Vice-President's Day?
Actually, yesterday was the kickoff of Mardi Gras. Be honest---did Tuesday make me look fat?
Washington State is dealing with new problem of having more pot than is in demand. The governor says he may be forced to call in Harold, Kumar, Cheech and Chong!
A new study claims that 84% of us listen-in on other people's conversations. At least what I heard the guy at the coffee shop saying...
Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson is being criticized by some of his fans for going to see "50 Shades of Grey." Oh, great---this time he doesn't pass!!
It's amazing to go deeper & deeper into the people that Facebook says you may know. It just goes to show you really don't know that many people.
Miss P, a beagle, was the big winner in the 139th annual Westminster Kennel Show. I'm thinking it's a pretty safe bet, she's still barking.
A survey says the approval rating of Congress is up to 20%. Probably because the number of congressmen included in the survey is up 20%.
The Washington Monument has been measured and it is 10-inches lower than before at 554 feet, 8 inches. The equipment manager for the New England Patriots was quick to say, "Hey, it wasn't me!"
Baseball's Johnny Damon has announced that his wife is pregnant with their 7th kid. That'll make enough for a family baseball team.
Happy New Year -- the Chinese New Year begins today, the year of the Sheep. I know I'll still be writing Snake for a few days on my checks...
Remember, giving up this show for Lent doesn't count. You're supposed to give up something meaningful.
Applications are being taken to become part of the Mars One team that will be sent on a one-way trip to set up a colony on Mars. If you've read Ray Bradbury, you know how this all works out.
Rapper Vanilla Ice was arrested on burglary charges, proving his agent wrong when he said he "couldn't get arrested".
Last night was the series finale of "Two and a Half Men." How many years was it on TV? About two and a half times as long as it should have….
A report says that drinking too much water can lead to a loss of sleep and excessive sweating, especially when waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom.
A study says that the amount of sex with a married couple increases after fifty years. The phrase "Oh sweet angel of death, take me now" comes to mind….
A study says that acupuncture is less effective on skeptics. Of course, if you're a skeptic, you probably don't believe that study.
Alex Rodriguez has made a written apology for his part in the PED scandal. I'm shocked, too-I didn't know he could write.
TOP FIVE SONGS THAT WE EXPECTED TO HEAR IN "50 SHADES OF GREY" (BUT WEREN'T IN THERE)
- "Hit me with your best shot"
- "Hurts so good"
- "Beat it!"
- "Whip it!"
- "Spank you for being a friend"
TOP FIVE FIRST DRAFTS OF FAMOUS PRESIDENTIAL QUOTES
- "Ask not what your country can do for you. Seriously, just don't ask!' (JFK)
- "The only thing we have to fear are phobias" (FDR)
- "Read my lips. No new episodes of Jersey Shore." (George HW Bush)
- "A man is not finished when he is defeated... unless he passes instead of runs." (Richard Nixon)
- "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet" (Abraham Lincoln)
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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