This Week's Wacks
Our 997th Edition
"If I've WACKED you once, I've WACKED you 1,000 times.  Well, not yet, but close"
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March 13th, 2015

It wasn't bad enough that Harrison Ford plane crashed his plane on a California golf course, but then a giant stone started rolling towards him.

Let that be a lesson to us all -- if you're going to crash-land a plane, always choose a golf course where doctors are playing.

Witnesses say they heard a sputtering and then a boom when Harrison's plane went down. My wife says the same thing when I have really spicy Indian food.

Unemployment is now at the lowest it's been in 7 years. Of course, it helps to hire lots of people to check and see if people are getting jobs.

With the switch to daylight saving time, does it seem later sooner?

The singing duo of Hall and Oates are suing a granola company for calling one of their products "Haulin' Oats." Better watch out -- she's a bran-eater!

Last Sunday was International Women's Day. Of course, with the time change, the day was only 23 hours long. Women didn't even get a full day!

The Apple Watch gold edition will reportedly sell for $10,000. It not only tells you the time, but also that you're making way too much money.

Will I get an Apple watch? Oh, absolutely -- I'm at the age where I'm always looking for smaller fonts.

People back east were excited about the time change over the weekend because, with the longer days, it gives them more of a chance to see all that snow.

A study says that hot flashes could be a warning sign of heart trouble for women. Not to mention all the things it means for men.

A study says that short naps may improve the health of people who are not getting enough sleep. Really? You needed a study to figure that out? This is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night. You know, I need a nap.

Brian Williams says he and Harrison Ford were lucky to survive that plane crash.

Apple has a new iWatch in gold that costs $10,000! Forget the time -- it's telling you that it's time to hire a financial advisor.

Wait a minute -- we can't really save daylight. We've all been duped!!!

Studies show that Daylight Saving Time actually costs more by using extra energy. And that's not including all the energy we wasted complaining non-stop about the time change.

A Los Angeles jury has ordered Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams to pay Marvin Gaye's family $7.3 million for plagiarizing the 1977 Gaye song, "Got To Give It Up." Even Sam Smith said it was obvious. While Thicke and Williams said they didn't copy the song, the judge said, as far as that $7.3 million is concerned, they've got to give it up.

Scientists say they have been able to implant memories in mice while they are asleep. Giving us hope that, someday, we'll finally know why we walked into that room.

A report says a growing number of parents are pulling their children out of standardized testing in schools. In fact, 8 out of 6 parents say math isn't that important, anyway...

A new study claims that your alcohol intake peaked at age 25. But, of course, we all know better.

Hillary Clinton now says she has nothing to hide. Well, now that she's gotten rid of it.

You know, if we had just let Edward Snowden thin out his own emails, he'd probably still be living here.

Dunkin' Donuts says it will remove titanium dioxide from its powdered donuts. Yeah, like that's the unhealthy partů.

Two senior Secret Service agents, including a top member of President Barack Obama's protective detail, crashed a car into a White House barricade following a late-night party for retiring spokesman Ed Donovan. They could be charged with driving under the influence and impersonating Lindsay Lohan.

Now there's a wi-fi Barbie that recognizes voice and memorizes preferences.  The extinction of imagination is upon us.

Then there's the Illinois mom who fired shots into the big screen TV at her house, because she felt her kids were watching too much television.  Apparently this set didn't come with an on/off switch.  I'm guessing the incident could seriously affect this year's Mother's Day gift.

TOP FIVE UNLUCKY THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN ON FRIDAY THE 13TH

  1.     Breaking a mirror with all of the Kardashians near by
  2.     Spill salt in the middle of a frozen lake
  3.     Step on a crack user
  4.     Walk under a ladder of a moving fire truck
  5.     Have a black cat mistake you for a litter box

TOP FIVE HINTS THIS IS PROBABLY A SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIP

  1.     Whenever he comes over, he always leaves the car running
  2.     Has already started talking about his next girlfriend
  3.     Considers 'wedding' the W-word
  4.     Only phone number he gave you was for a phone booth (and you know how hard they are to come by these days)
  5.     He's giving you his name a letter at a time. Each date, a new letter
Laugh a little, would ya?                 
                    Tim

PS---What an appropriately named product featured in this week's Facebook Post of the Week
PSPS---Now that my house sale has finalized, I can rant.  Hang on--details on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack