Well, apparently the University of Washington Alumni Magazine needed an alum to write about and they made it to the H's. Click here.
Federal authorities say that Ippei Mizuhara, the former longtime interpreter for Los Angeles Dodgers star Shohei Ohtani, allegedly stole more than $16 million from the two-way baseball sensation to cover his gambling debts. What are the odds? I'll bet he could tell you.
I really need to find more friends that I can steal $16-million from and they don't notice.
The "Golden Bachelor" Gerry Turner and his wife, Theresa Nist, are getting divorced after three months of marriage. Who could have seen that coming? Well, maybe it'll save time if we just ask who didn't see that coming?
They covered their dating, they showed their wedding on TV...I wonder if they'll broadcast the divorce?
A new study shows that we smile 20% more on weekends than on weekdays. What a waste of money for a study.
If you have a large amount of debt you are twice as likely to have a heart attack. I'm just happy I made it to the end of this sentence.
I don't need to know everything. Just enough so that someone offers me hush money...
On average, we complain about something 20 times per day. That number goes up to 40 if you know me...
There's a great American novel being written this week that will start with the first line, "It was a dark and Stormy.....Daniels..."
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have two new shows in production for Netflix. I can hardly wait to not watch them...
Just so you know, my summer body this year is going to look pretty similar to last year's summer body, but with a few more bonus pounds.
In Florida, a man was arrested, charged with assaulting his roommate with a wad of pizza dough. When pizza dough is outlawed, only criminals will have thin crust.
At least in our area, it's the time of year when it's really hard to walk by a car without writing "Wash me" in the pollen on the hood.
Scientists have identified a new breed of ancient kangaroo that stood six feet tall. They also say they had a six-person pouch.
Another day of waking up and coming to the cold, hard realization that it's not football season yet.
Caitlin Clark was selected number one in the WNBA draft. I haven't been this shocked since the sun came up!
They make 40-billion of these every years: Oreos. I'm good for at least a billion.
Something you no longer hear anymore, thanks to technology: a busy signal. Well, that and the phrase, "Boy, that was a great Adam Sandler movie!"
"Sesame Street" writers have authorized a strike, if contract talks don't Fix things. By the way, today's show is brought to you by the letter 'P', as In picketing.
Only 20% of men do housework every day. Well, if you accept that a day can Be 168 hours long, that's true.
Not a single word of apology from Friday about taking so long to get here this week.
It's the 19th, which makes tomorrow 4-20, whatever that means.
The average woman stays in her pajamas all day 3 times a year. Seems low.
About 25% of the U.S. loves to go boating, which means 75% of us know what a money pit boating really is.
Prince Harry has officially renounced his British residency and has declared the U.S. his "new country." Most Brits want an address so they can send a thank you note.
From Facebook:
- I just found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp. I guess there's no need to try pot roast now.
- Boobytrap spelled backwards if Partyboob. Just point that out.
- I'm so ready to pack 43 outfits for a 3-day trip.
- O.J. said he would search for the rest of his life for Nicole's killer. And now, the killer is dead.
- In an amazing coincidence, the O.J. in my fridge also expired April 10th.
- There will be no food at my funeral. You're there to cry, not eat.
- What's the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife? The man buying a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win.
- Whoa-the summer of 2069 is closer to us than the summer of 1969.
- I used to think drinking was bad for me. So I gave up thinking...
- Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.
- My absolute favorite stories start with, "I'm not proud of this, but..."
- I'm still in shock that this is my grown height.
- Being conceived in the back of a Jeep does not make you part Cherokee.
- I tried coming up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.
- I want to say comforters are superior to quilts but I don't like to make blanket statements.
- Friend: How much does your wife usually spend on a bottle of wine. Me: Oh, around 20 minutes.
- I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00!
- If you're not happy single, try dating apps. You'll still be single, but you'll appreciate it a lot more.
- Everyone I know is a "snack getting stuck in a vending machine" away from total collapse
- I'm at the age where my mind thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12 and my body feels like it died sometime during the Civil War.
- In every good marriage, it often pays if one of the couple is a little deaf.
- I replaced my rooster with a duck. Now I wake up at the quack of dawn.
- Lip rings don't make you look attractive. They make you look like a fish that got away.
- You know you're getting old when a recliner and a heating pad are your idea of a hot date.
- Who hates speeding tickets? Raise your right foot.
- I'm so sick of looking in my purse and not seeing $20,000.
- I wish my siblings would stop calling me 'spoiled' just because I'm the baby of the family. The fact is, my parents kept having children until they got one they really liked. It's not my issue.
- Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it's because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner just so they can have the last word.
- If there's watermelon, should there be earthmelon, firemelon and airmelon? The elemelons.
- I did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 97 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.
- Don't make me use my radio voice!
- Insanity doesn't run in my family. It just strolls through, taking its time, getting to know everyone personally.
- When you smoke weed, you get high. When you read, you get educated. When you read while smoking weed, you get highly educated.
TOP FIVE SPORTING EVENTS I'D CONSIDER TAKING PART IN
- The Boston Cream Pie Marathon
- The World Series of Pizza
- The Final Four Buffet
- The Indy 500 Taco Race
- The NBA Finals (No Belts Allowed)
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE TOO STRESSED (ON NATIONAL STRESS AWARENESS DAY)
- You chew on nails. Not fingernails, actual nails.
- You've got this feeling you can't do anything right as you begin operating on a patient
- You insist on going outside and you work in a submarine
- Your memory loss is...something...
- Your hair hurts
TOP FIVE THINGS TO SERVE AT YOUR 4-20 PARTY
- Pot Roast
- Corned beef hash
- Cannabisque
- Weed Mead
- 223 pizzas
Laugh a little, would ya?
