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THIS WEEK'S WACK

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Our 1,398th Edition
Friday, December 2nd, 2022

Three weeks from Sunday, people!
 

Well, that's it. I'm done with over-eating and sitting around watching movies and football. I'm going to get out there and... oh, look-Christmas is coming up! Never mind.

Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. That special day when we reflect and realize one of the most important lessons in life-that we see our relatives just enough the way it is right now.

Monday was "Cyber Monday", the day that you can turn to online deals if you didn't overspend your way into bankruptcy on Black Friday.

Research at the University of Ottawa shows that morning people have a higher verbal intelligence. We words better are with.

Jay Leno appeared at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, California, Monday night, just two weeks after being burned in a gasoline fire in his garage. He said the show was available in Regular and Extra Crispy.

Twitter will not only offer blue checks for verified accounts, but they're also adding gold and gray checks. C'mon Elon, these days, who still uses checks?

Patrick Mahomes and his wife Brittany welcomed their second child on Monday. Doesn't the godfather have to be Jake from State Farm?

Howard Stern is criticizing Oprah for "flaunting her wealth." No doubt, that'll put Howard on Oprah's "Least Favorite Things" list.

Remember me again why I care what Howard Stern thinks?

We had Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday was yesterday. I'm declaring today "Wine Down Wednesday" and calling it good.

Pastor Tom Hughes who runs a church in San Jacinto, California, says that "everyone being offended these days" signals the end of the world. I'm offended. Whoops! It just got closer.

Dear Wordle: How about the best out of 8?

The American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry is offering advice on how to keep your teeth white, but they lost me at "avoid drinking too much coffee or red wine." Who are these people?

A recent study reveals that rocking in a rocking chair this every day reduces anxiety, depression and also improves your balance. Another 30 years and I'll be in the best shape of my life!

Amazon says it had it's biggest-ever Thanksgiving shopping weekend ever and I've got the credit card charges to prove it.

A new study from Penn State confirms that life does get better as we get older. Older adults have less stress in their life. I'll be honest-the trick? I just no longer care.

Baseball Hall of Famer Gaylord Perry passed away yesterday at the age of 84. He was a spitting image of his father.

A new study says taller men get married sooner than shorter men. That reminds me of that old slogan, "It's better to have loved a short girl and lost, than never to have loved a tall."

From Facebook:
  • Soup of the day: Cold beer.
  • Just a reminder-when taking a family group photo over the holidays, make sure the boyfriends and girlfriends are at the ends so they can easily be cropped out later.
  • Pulled out a nose hair today to see if it would hurt. Judging by the reaction of the guy asleep next to me on the plane, it did.
  • I hate it when I see an old person and then realize that we went to high school together.
  • The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do dishes.
  • Getting older means you prefer day drinking to staying out late at night.
  • Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Me, too.
  • I wish everything was as easy as gaining weight.
  • I have found marriage to be very educational. For example, I never knew there could be a wrong way to put milk in a fridge.
  • In search of an adult version of Elf on the Shelf that moves around at night, cleaning the house and doing laundry.
  • I still don't know what I'm wearing to the living room on New Year's Eve. I may not even go.
  • Instead of presents this year, I'm going to give everyone my opinion.
  • The other day at a thrift store, I found an old record called "Sounds Wasps Make." I took it home, put it on the turntable and started playing it, but it didn't sound anything like wasps. It turns out I was playing the bee side.
  • Well, well, well... if it isn't the consequences of my own actions!
  • If the Goo Goo Dolls toured with Lady Gaga, it could be called the Goo Goo Gaga Tour.
  • Sorry I missed your call earlier today. I was sitting on the couch with the phone in my hand, watching it ring.
  • When preparing to travel, lay out all of your clothes and your money. Then, pack half the clothes and twice the money.
  • Here's a marriage tip. If you need a new can opener, buy a new can opener. Don't give it to your wife as a Christmas present.
  • For all of my friends who get coal for Christmas, let's get together after the holidays and have a barbecue!
  • My husband would take a bullet for me. But he'd also criticize my driving on the way to the hospital.
  • I won $2 in the Mega Millions lottery. Please respect our privacy as our family decides how to move forward in this exciting and pivotal moment in time.
  • Received a Christmas party invitation and the RSVP line said: Let us know! Let us know! Let us know!
  • I don't really rise and shine. Most days, I just caffeinate and cross my fingers.
  • Today's holiday tip: Sing Christmas songs over and over at work until they send you home.
  • After I finish my coffee, I like to show the IT guy and tell him that I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.
  • I used to date a tennis player. But love meant nothing to her.
TOP FIVE MOST POPULAR PICK-UP LINES AT THE NORTH POLE
  1. "Is your name Jingle Bells? Because I'll bet you could go all the way!"
  2. "Wanna Scrooge?"
  3. "Hey, Angel, shouldn't be on top of a tree somewhere?"
  4. "Are you Christmas? Because I want to merry you."
  5. "Wanna see my toy shop?"
 

TOP FIVE ELF COMPLAINTS

  1. Can't ride any of the rides at Disneyland
  2. Not realistically portrayed in "Rings of Power"
  3. Getting lost in the couch cushions
  4. North Pole basketball team has never won a game
  5. Needing two pieces of I.D. at the liquor store
Laugh a little, would ya?
 


PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!

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