They say once you go WACK, you never go back

Some A.I. companies are saying that their artificial intelligence has occasionally gone rouge, breaking rules, even sometime even lying. When asked for a comment, ChatGPT said, "Well, the president does it!"

A new species of cat has been discovered in South America. You may not care, but the cat cares even less.

14% of bosses have driven by a sick employee's home to see if their car was there. It's why I always Uber on my hooky days. Just in case...

A recent study found that having a plant in the office can improve work productivity by 15%. That's why I'm all for a no-plants policy.

Any day, I'm expecting a judge to rule that the Kennedy name has to be removed from RFK, Jr.

If nothing else, the ultimate threat of A.I. going rogue has taught me the correct spelling of the word 'rogue'.

Some people call me a contrarian, but I'm not.

One in five people say in their shoes is their favorite secret spot to hide money. I do have to say, after a while, those quarters really hurt.

So you can be historically accurate, the very first "Gatorade shower" happened in 1984. Before that, coaches took Gatorade baths.

On my To-Do list today: updating my To-Do list. This feels like an endless cycle.

I'm realizing that I'm no longer "getting old", I'm actually there.

Wine sales in the U.S. have dropped 20% over the past five years. You people disappoint me.

Trump TV's debut wasn't very much must-watch TV. Around 8,000 people tuned in. I'm thinking he may need to add some TV shows to the channel: "Everybody Loves Me"; "Cabinet Survivor"; "Stranger Things Coming"; "The East Wing"; and "Throne of Games".

One of the first things a man learns after getting married is that, after all these years, he's been loading the dishwasher the wrong way.

President Trump addressed the United Nations General Assembly yesterday.

• He was there to put the "not united" in United Nations.
• In his speech, he said that Cuba will fall. A spokesperson later said what he meant to say was, "It's fall in Cuba!"

Anthropic has launched a new Claude model, Opus 5.5, which it says is "much less likely than recent models to act outside the boundaries it's been given." Or, at least that's what it is saying. Which makes me wonder how A.I. crosses its fingers?

The White House has launched their own network, Trump TV. I can't wait to get home tonight and not watch it.

I've hit that age where I'm constantly asking myself, "Is that a fruit fly or a floater?"

The average parent thinks that 12 is the best age for getting their own phone. Hey, as long as they can keep up with the payments, I'm fine with that.

In Florida, a woman accused of having sex with her dog says she was framed by her vengeful ex. In a case like that, I'm wondering who talked?

I would like to suggest a moratorium on explaining why today, September 25th, is “Dolly Parton Day.” We get it.
 
President Trump’s team is said to be looking into ways to put his name on Ford’s Theater, where President Lincoln was assassinated back in 1865. I mean, Lincoln was killed there and even he didn’t get his name on it!
 
Please act irresponsible responsibly.
 
You know, if Melania was at least slightly jealous, I would expect her at some point to ask the president, “Who’s Xi?”
 
For today’s homebuyer’s dreading a 7% mortgage, you’re forcing me to point out that when I bought my first-ever home, the mortgage rate was 14%. If you think things are horrible now, we’re actually only halfway to horrible.
 
I called three different florists yesterday and not one of them knew a thing about carpet or tile. And I’m the idiot?
 
Yes, they call that big storm that will hit the east coast this weekend a “nor’easter”, but that doesn’t mean you need to color nor’easter eggs.
 
A new study says that eating more ultra-processed foods is linked to higher health risks, like heart disease, strokes, obesity, diabetes, depression and anxiety, digestive issues, cancer and even death. I hope they didn’t spend a lot of money on that study. I mean, didn’t we kinda know all that going in?

From Facebook:

• You don't realize how old a movie is until you see the computer in it.
• Do you ever look in a mirror and think to yourself, "Oh, that can't be right."
• No one tells you that you're old. You have to realize it yourself while you're reading reviews on Amazon for slip on shoes.
• I know we're supposed to stop at stop signs, but with gas prices today, I can't afford to lose momentum.
• Kindness doesn't solve every problem. You'll also need duct tape.
• I've upgraded to a swear barrel.
• What are fact checkers doing for work these days?
• I took more pictures today of spaghetti sauce while texting my wife, "Which one should I get?" than my parents took of my childhood.
• I don't like it when people ask me my age because I don't know whether to bust out the calculator or just wing it and throw an "ish" at the end of it.
• Mitch McConnell is making Joe Biden look like Richard Simmons.
• My goal in life has always been to have my life together by the time I turned 40. Well, I'm pleased to announce today that that's now 50.
• When people say, "You look familiar," I immediately reply, "You watch that stuff on the Internet?" Immediately shuts them down.
• I have to stop asking, "How stupid can you be?" People are taking it as a challenge.
• I used to need an alarm clock to wake up. Now I have a bladder. Very reliable. Terrible snooze button.
• Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant and we want world peace?
• I'm about 25-cents a gallon away from removing my drivers' side and floorboard and going full Flintstone!
• Tums should sell a pumpkin spice flavor and call it Autums.
• Gas stations need to start selling smelling salts at the pumps. Or at least provide a crying towel.
• Every now and then, I say "Transform" to my car...just in case...
• I've decided when I've met someone for the third time and I don't remember their name, I'm just going to relocate.
• Whoever said, "Out of sight, out of mind!" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
• Can you tie a knot? I cannot. So, you can knot? No, I cannot knot. Not knot? Who's there?
• I love God, but some of his children get on my nerves.
• Let's take a vote: Are you in favor of horse puns? Yeah or Neigh?
• I no longer need to bother about looking where I leap. Leaping? At my age?
• Nothing lasts forever, except for what you post online. Oh and Twinkies.
• I had my car towed. Nothing wrong with it, just cheaper than gas.
• Can I multi-task? Absolutely. Right now, I'm losing my mind and chilling at the same time.
• Don't ask me for life advice. You will end up with a new dog.
• I spend the first five minutes in a rental car turning on things I didn't know cars had.
• I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill.
• Candy corn tastes like Monday.
• I'm not so much into Superman anymore, now that he has to change in porta-potties.
• I'm sick and tired of the news. Does Huey Lewis have any solo stuff?
• On the positive side, windowsill pie thievery is at an all-time low.
• Just between you and me, I'm telling at least three other people.
• Anyone know where to apply for fuel stamps?
• Dad injured while playing Peek-a-Boo and is now in the ICU!
• I just super-glued my finger to my thumb. I'll be OK for a while.
• Whoever lost the iPhone 18 Pro outside the Dollar Store about 30 minutes ago, would you please stop calling my new phone?
• To be honest, I have taken some risks in my life with expired sour cream.
• I'm not the bigger person; I'm just trying really hard not to become a documentary.
• During these trying times, I always make it a point to check in with my friends who play the lottery.
• All bread is flat if you sit on it.
• No matter what's going on in your life, there's some form of potato that can make it better.
• You don't have to be everyone's cup of tea. Be the person dogs run to first.
• My swear jar is now taking Venmo.
• I bought a can of fly spray this morning. Sprayed it all over myself. I still can't fly.
• Every time I pay $100 for gas and $300 for groceries, I just have to remind myself to be grateful for the White House Ballroom renovations.
• Why does my wife wait until I'm all the way at the opposite of the house before she asks, "Mermer, fmmer, murmur murf."
• Single September is almost over. I can't wait for Only Me October, No Love November and Don't Date December.
• Time heals all wounds. It also turns avocados from rocks into garbage overnight.
• I'm pretty sure the "close door" button on elevators is fake. But I'm still going to keep pressing it like I'm sending Morse code.
• I just got a full tank of gas for just $22. Granted, it was for my lawnmower, but I'm trying to stay positive.
• How to tell someone you hate them politely: "You're the Monday of my life."
• I walked into a room and forgot why. So I grabbed a snack and left. Seemed like a successful trip.
• I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next? More things? That's how they get you.
• Eat whatever you want and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them.
• Everyone shush! I'm coffeeing.
• This is the time of year when I begin to sign and date with the current year.
• Please stop asking people if they believe in Climate Change, but rather, ask if they understand it. It's science, not the Easter Bunny.
• Why do they call these tiny candy bars "fun size?" There's nothing fun about opening 13 wrappers.
• Of all the canoes out there, volcanoes are the most dangerous.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR A.I. HAS GONE ROGUE

1. Every grocery list suddenly includes a tarp, duct tape, and zip ties.
2. It's now ending every response with, "You silly human."
3. It changes your Netflix password and tells you to go outside and make friends
4. It starts correcting the grammar in your dreams
5. It schedules a meeting to discuss your meeting schedule

TOP FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE NEW GEORGE LUCAS MUSEUM

1. You don't mind the high ticket prices because of a Jedi mind trick
2. I've got a bad feeling about that gift shop.
3. You'll hear the phrase, "Luke, I am your docent."
4. If there's a long line at the restrooms, use "the force"
5. Instead of elevators, they have Darth Vaders

TOP FIVE FAVORITE NAMES OF COMPETITORS IN ALASKA'S FAT BEAR WEEK

1. Panda Excess
2. Beary Manilow
3. Hiber-Nate Bargatze
4. Bearbra Streisand
5. Chunk Norris

 Laugh a little, would ya?