We're just now hearing about a mammoth baby born in upstate New York in late January. The boy weighed in at exactly 13 pounds. Dad wanted to name him Jonathon, mom wanted to call it quits.
Ebay is laying off 800 workers. While they're at it, they're changing their slogan to, "Buy it. Sell it. Exit."
They're having the annual White House Correspondents Dinner on April 25th and this year, they have mentalist Oz Pearlman. Nothing like confronting a bunch of reporters and politicians with a mind-reader.
Papa Johns says they're closing 300 stores by the end of 2027. Nobody does layoffs like Papa Johns.
Burger King is giving their Whopper a makeover which includes a new type of bun. So, it's now perfectly OK to open your box and say really loud, "Wow. Nice buns!"
It was NOT a good weekend to have the words "Supreme Leader" in your job title.
Yeah, probably not a good week to rewatch "24."
You know, I wouldn't mind crowds if there just weren't so many people..
Americans purchased 720 million slices of pie every year. Well, enough about me, what about everybody else?
A third of people say they eat whatever they want, like desserts or bad stuff but only when they're on vacation. That's why I believe: life is a vacation.
There's a new trend in Japan: "Coffin therapy" - where people lie in plush, velvet-lined coffins to relax and reflect. Some funeral homes are so busy, people are just dying to get in.
Have we already solved all the serious health issues already? Researchers at the University of Maryland have developed high-tech underwear that tracks flatulence and found that people fart twice as much as earlier thoughts. My friends are already well aware.
A new study says that if you get a dog, you'll live longer. I don't know. It costs so much to have a dog these days, you'll probably end up eating the same food. Then, I guess, your life might just seem longer.
I relish having hot dogs.
All this talk about the Strait of Hormuz. What about the Gay of Hormuz?
On average, we all say "I'm tired" out loud three times a day. Well, there may be more colorful descriptors included.
98% of fathers love receiving tools as a gift for Father's Day. Now, if someone would just invent a Tool Tie, we'd have everyone covered.
A study says that daylight savings time cuts down on the risk of death from heart attacks and car accidents. But then again, the stress of making the change undoes all that, so it's a wash.
United Airlines is tightening up their in-flight rules such that, if you refuse to use headphones or Air pods, you can actually get booted off the flight. Could be a serious problem at 30,000 feet.
The new Supreme Leader of Iran is the son of the one that was blown up last weekend. I'm assuming he holds a grudge, although, he did receive a promotion!
Crayons are the most likely thing a kid will stick up their nose followed by a French fry. You can change that. Just be sure to serve them fries before you let them color.
Only 20% of people know how to drive a car with a stick shift these days. Seems like a manual transmission could be the best anti-theft system out there!
Former Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton has 9 kids and says he's never getting married. For those who have never heard of Cam, he's the Nick Cannon of football.
At the 2026 Camel Beauty Show Festival in Al Musannah, Oman this week, 20 camels were disqualified after veterinarians discovered they'd been given a range of banned cosmetic procedures-everything from Botox to silicone hump reshaping. The most noticeable one was the camel named Angelina Ali.
Hey, Peter Gabriel, you're running out of time to capitalize on the news and do a song called, "Punch the Monkey!"
In India, A 24 year old electronics hobbyist built a 0.98 inch tall arcade machine, which has been declared officially the world's smallest. I guess you'd be able to play a lot of short games.
The Cheesecake Factory announced they're expanding their menu. That's like adding a couple of chapters to "War and Peace."
Because, at the Cheesecake Factory, there was never enough to choose from.
From Facebook:
- Happy two year anniversary to the bag of clothes for Goodwill sitting on the chair in the corner of my room.
- Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents' job.
- The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops on my way home. Like I'm late for the house.
- When a woman says, "What?", it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance it fix what you said.
- I always thought orthopedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.
- I would just like to give a shoutout to my middle finger who always sticks up for me when I need it.
- I asked my girlfriend when her birthday was and she told me March 1st. So, marched around the room and then asked her again.
- I am forever disappointed that Chef Bobby Flay didn't name his daughter, Sue.
- Sorry, but I'm a person at a time person. Appointments please, no walk-ins.
- Never break someone's heart. They only have one. Break their bones. There are 206 of them.
- I just realized I'm "Starting to walk down stairs a little more carefully" years old.
- I'm up for any Friday night activity as long as it starts at six, ends by eight, involves food and doesn't require wearing pants.
- Friend: Could you elaborate? Me: To do that, I would need to remember what just said.
- I'm trying to be healthier, so I parked and walked in to buy the donuts instead of using the drive-through.
- The human body simply wasn't designed to remember this many passwords.
- I just started a new diet. Half an egg for breakfast, half an apple for lunch and for dinner, half the refrigerator.
- Sorry I didn't hear my phone when you called. I really don't use it for that.
- If you don't use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car, you must be in an entirely different tax bracket.
- I'm an adult in the same way a tomato is technically a fruit.
- I wish Facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so I could like it.
- One minute, you're young and free. And the next minute, you're talking to your friends about magnesium, omega-3 and protein.
- Sometimes, I feel like throwing in the towel. But all that would mean is more laundry.
- Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you're typing before they let you how they don't have that one.
- When your wife says she needs a new broom, it's best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
- I always thought my mom was always irritated and now, look at me: Always irritated, Jr.
- How do nudists clean their glasses?
- I saw an ad for a coffin and I thought, "Well, that's the last thing I need."
- That moment when you're praying at church for more money and a guy hands you a basket full of the stuff!
- I need a tax person who's not afraid of prison.
- My kitchen rules: Only salted butter, always extra garlic, double the cheese.
- ...and for my next trick, I will worry about 20 different things at the same time!
- This year, Cinco de Mayo falls on a Taco Tuesday. This is it, people! This is what we've trained for!
- Friend: Are you a beach person or a mountain person? Me: I'm a poor person.
- Do you ever feel like your life's "Check engine light" is on and you're still driving like, "Oh, it'll be fine."
- Doctor: You know that alcohol is killing you slowly. Me: That's OK, I'm in no hurry.
- You can never lose a homing pigeon. If yours takes off and doesn't come back, all you lost was a pigeon.
- If you're ever feeling down, go for a run. You'll quickly discover your physical condition is much worse than your mental condition.
- I'm a good person, just not a nice one.
- It's now officially Wrong Coat Season. From now until mid-April, you will always grab the wrong coat for the day.
- I get so offended when my body decides we're going to be sick. I fed you vegetable last week. How dare you betray me?
- I was born a female, I identify as a female, but according to the back of the box of Stouffers, I'm a family of four.
- I kinda want to get back in shape, but first I want to see if the world's going to end before I put in any real effort.
- I guess we might as well pronounce the "L" in salmon. Nothing matters anymore.
- Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and came out without wrinkles and two sizes smaller?
- The difference between Superman and me: He has Super Vision, I require supervision.
- Netflix is remaking the old movie, "Ben Hur." It's going to be called "Ben They/Them."
- Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I'm watching a TV show I don't like because I dropped the remote on the floor.
- My immunity for idiots is extremely low right now. I used to have some immunity built up, but apparently there's a new strain out there.
- The worst part about losing your glasses is that you don't have your glasses to help you look for your glasses.
- When you're doing squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
TOP FIVE SIGNS AN A.I. BOT IS OUT TO TAKE YOUR JOB
- Keeps Googling "How to cut brake lines without arms."
- Offers tips on how to pack your desk efficiently."
- Reminds your boss, "You know, I don't need a desk or a parking spot."
- It starts taking lunch when you do and it doesn't eat.
- It has started to get invited to meetings and you're not.
TOP FIVE REASONS A LEPRECHAUN MIGHT SKIP ST. PATRICK'S DAY THIS YEAR
- Said, "Screw tradition!", took the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and skipped town
- Burned out on being mistaken for a garden gnome
- People not wearing green have started getting "no contact" orders, so less pinching
- Tired of having to protect his Lucky Charms
- Developed a rare blarney allergy
TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS ABOUT SWITCHING TO DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME
- I woke up early and I'm still late!
- My dog just doesn't understand. Actually, neither do I.
- Friends who keep saying, "Well, you know, it's really an hour ago!"
- Great! Now my car clock radio is off for another six months!
- It's an hour later than it should be
TOP FIVE MOST POPULAR TV SHOWS ON IRAN TV
- "Camel Lot"
- "Tehran Burgandy"
- "60 Lashes"
- "Revolutionary Guardians of the Galaxy"
- "Who wants to not have their hands cut off?"
Laugh a little, would ya?
