A survey says 39% of Americans say they would give up sex to never have to worry about being hacked. Finally, I'm in the majority of something.
A Japanese study claims that eating ice cream for breakfast actually makes us smarter! Good enough for me. Done. No more questions. Next topic...
Breaking news -- my diet has officially busted.
I wasn't so worried about politics at Thanksgiving dinner. I'm more worried about what happens at Festivus, during the annual Airing of the Grievances.
Points to the neighbor who stuffed a Samsung Galaxy 7 in his turkey and cooked it from the inside.
From my radio brother, Joe Bryant: This past week, we lost a dictator that required everyone to obey the rules or be punished. But health care, education and food for the children was always provided. RIP Carol Brady.
A movie about former Vice President Dick Cheney is reportedly in the works. If you're auditioning, don't go for the attorney role.
Xenophobia has been named Dictionary.com's 2016 "Word of the Year." Shoot. I was pulling for Misogynist.
A study says coconut crabs have the strongest pinch...and the most number of sexual harassment suits filed against them.
I got a lot of notices that this week was "Giving Tuesday." I don't mean to come off the wrong way, but "Taking Tuesday" has a nicer ring to it.
I wonder who came up with the word Xenophobia. Must have been a foreigner...
A survey says Americans will spend an average of $752 on Christmas gifts this year. Slightly less for those who are just re-wrapping what they gave dad last year.
Researchers say that ants were farming 3-million years before humans were on the Earth. The most famous ant farmer? Ant Em, of course.
From Facebook: I hate it when I gain 10-pounds for a role and then realize I'm not an actor.
In India, their supreme court has ordered movie theaters to play the national anthem prior to every movie that's shown. When it's over, they are not required to yell out, "Play Bolly!"
Matt Lauer has a new $20 million a day contract with the Today Show. Oh, and Billy Bush has a new job, too. Mowing Matt's lawn.
On the positive side, Donald Trump's announcement that he's going to push aside his business interests so that he can focus on the presidency is a plus. What concerns me is that it might give him more Twitter time.
Neil Diamond has announced his 50th anniversary tour. Wait, that's the Gold Anniversary. So it's the Gold Diamond Tour? For an opening act, he should get Jewel.
Michael Delligatti, the guy who invented the Big Mac sandwich for McDonald's, died yesterday. He was 98, which obviously means he didn't eat his invention. I believe he was also the guy who testified against the Hamburglar.
A new study claims that the more sex you have, the better your memory. There were other findings, but…yeah….
A Texas man has been jailed for using Twitter to harass others. Well, first off, Donald Trump is not from Texas….
Astronauts in space are reportedly being spooked by a mysterious knocking sound. So far, no one’s had the nerve to ask, “Uh, who’s there?”
Kanye West has gone home from the hospital. Doctors felt that it would be in his best interest to go to a safe, normal setting…but he chose to go home instead.
THE FIVE OTHER REINDEER YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT
- Gassy
- Tipsy the Red-Eyed Reindeer
- Slow Poke
- Crampo
- Kanye
TOP FIVE THINGS ON MY HOLIDAY TO DO LIST
- Repeat
- Panic
- Over-commit
- Under-plan
- Over-spend
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE ALREADY SPENT TOO MUCH ON HOLIDAY SHOPPING
- Your VISA card is smoldering
- American Express just called and said, "Leave home without it!"
- Every store has your picture by their cash register
- Guinness just called to congratulate you on having the most maxed-out cards!
- Your debt just surpassed Venezuela
Laugh a little, would ya?
