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Our 1,091st Edition
January 13th, 2017

Yes,a Friday the 13th! Superstitions are silly, knock on wood.
These jokes are available on a daily basic
through Radio-Online. Click here for a free demo

A study says CNN is the least trusted news organization of likely voters. CNN says that it's probably because of a Russian virus.

Rex Tillerson has retired from ExxonMobil with a retirement package of $180 million. That's a little higher than my retirement package by, oh, $180 million.

Willie Nelson thanked Snoop Dogg for giving him a weed themed Christmas sweater. Now, to tell Snoop Dogg.

The San Francisco 49ers gave Colin Kaepernick an award for being an "inspirational and courageous" player. Afterwards, the Juice Moms and Granola Bar dads handed out the treats and the team called it a season.

I watched the Golden Globes Sunday night. Stars were rising but even more necklines were plunging!

Coffee maker Keurig says it is building an at-home beer and booze maker. That ought to make the break room more popular.

It's my personal belief that now, more than ever, we need to negotiate a peace agreement between Meryl Streep and Donald Trump.

This Friday is a Friday the 13th. Inauguration Day is a week from this Friday. You decide which is the unluckier day.

By the way, Donald Trump tweeted that the Vikings were pretty hard on the British Isles a thousand years ago and called Scotland and Ireland, "Over-Raided."

The iPhone is celebrating its 10th birthday this week and we'd all like to wish it an appy birthday.

My radio brother Matt Case says that exercise would be more fun if, when you burned calories, they screamed.

The World Cup is going to expand the number of teams playing in the tournament to 48 by the year 2026, which will give Americans even more games to ignore.

By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, Mike Tyson is criticizing Bill Maher for making fun of Stephen Baldwin who mocked Seth Meyers who is dissing Donald Trump for talking smack about Meryl Streep for attacking Donald Trump.

Breaking news: Cadbury has introduced a new Oreo flavored egg. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

The advertising exec who helped create the name Big Mac for McDonald's has died at the age of 89. He's survived by Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and a sesame seed bun.

Microsoft is replacing their blue screen of death for Windows 10 users with a green screen of death. OK, I feel better.

CNN is reporting that 78% of fake news is actually made up. I think it's time to start checking their water supply....

Donald Trump is very upset about the leaks coming out of his high-security meetings. He didn’t say that publicly, but that’s what his assistant’s gardener’s pool boy told me.
93% of Americans surveyed say that we should retire the term “fake news.” Actually, we just made that up.
There are those who don’t believe that Donald Trump’s presidency is not an assault on the integrity of the office of president. They’re the ones who are just finding out what they mean when they say “golden shower.”
Michael Keaton has apologized for accidentally calling the movie “Hidden Figures” “Hidden Fences” at the Golden Globes the other night. Well, at least he admits it and isn’t going to sit on the figure about it.

  1. Your personal psychic suggested to you not to buy a new calendar
  2. The newspaper keeps accidentally printing your obituary
  3. People Magazine has already ruled you out as Person of the Year
  4. You had broken all your resolutions by 12:02am New Year's Day
  5. Your personal trainer just showed up with two quarts of ice cream
  1. Your VISA has exceeded the national debt of Venezuela
  2. You were asked to surrender your debit card by a Mastercard SWAT team
  3. Even the Kardashians were saying, "Whoa -- stop over-spending!"
  4. You wore the numbers off of three credit cards
  5. Your electric bill was hand-delivered by an enforcer
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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