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Our 1,099th Edition
March 10th, 2017

It's the weekend we complain about losing an hour's sleep.
These jokes are available on a daily basic
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A survey says one-third of all Americans worry on any given day. I was afraid of that.

I usually started worrying after I hear someone say, "Oh-oh, he's tweeting again!"

A study says not exercising is as unhealthy as being obese. Well, it's nice to know I have a choice.

Jimmy Lehn tells he's trying to give up sexual innuendos but it's so hard.

From my radio brother, Skip Tucker: All I'm saying is, if you want to call yourself the Lone Ranger, you shouldn't have a partner with you everywhere you go.

So, I guess when President Trump said that President Obama bugged him, he meant it literally!

Last Friday was National Unplugging Day. I read about it on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, Snapchat and, just for fun, MySpace.

I've decided when it comes to Monday, I'd like to recuse myself.

A study says the hearing rate loss may double in the U.S. by 2060. If you thought I said 2016, it could be sooner.

You know, if President Trump really wanted to achieve something, he should sign a traveling ban for the NBA. Just sayin'....

When life gives you lemons, open a fruit stand.

Facebook has begun flagging Fake News posts. No, we're not making that up.

According to a new survey, Americans are having less sex. Responses I'll never say out loud include, "How is this news?," "Misery loves company" and, "So marriage is making a comeback?

The survey claims that married people have sex an average of 59 times a year. I'm assuming they mean with each other.

A Texas professor has invented a breathalyzer that detects if someone has the flu. Oh, you can already tell if someone has the flu. They're the person who shows up to work sick so they don't have to use up their vacation time.

Psychologists are claiming that social media is causing more people to feel lonely. I'd pass that along to my friends on Facebook, but I don't have any.

U.S. Soccer says all players must stand during the playing of the National Anthem. They also said that players are allowed to cover their heart while it's playing, but they can't use their hands.

White supremacist David Duke has been suspended from Twitter. I can't imagine what he might have said. Wait... yes, I can.

They say that because of all the budget cuts at the IRS, the odds of getting audited are lower than they've been in 13 years. Remember, if anyone asks, we had lunch 231 times last year.

I was going to open a blank document in Word, but I refused to be marginalized!

After a German prison lost its food contract, they had no other choice in feeding their prisoners—so, they began using McDonald’s. Can’t you hear the drive-through window: “I’d like 546 cheeseburgers, 626 fries….”
Tom Brady has launched a meal kit service so people can eat like him for $78 a week. I can just imagine waking up to a big bowl of “Cheaties.”
A study says Americans have less sex than they did in the 1990s. Well, yeah. By then, I had been married a decade.
A study says more Americans are becoming overweight and obese and are giving up on trying to lose weight. You know what I just thought of?  Bacon.
Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy for the second time in two years. I’m shocked, too—Radio Shack is still around?


  1. "That light doesn't get any greener!"
  2. "Oh, sure, you want me to consider that bike a car but you get to run red lights"!
  3. "You know, people can see you picking that?"
  4. "That's the brake, moron. You're looking for the gas pedal!"
  5. "You call that a horn?"
  1. Never seen a computer running Windows 1 before
  2. It's made by... Atari?
  3. How long have you been using punch cards
  4. A diesel model. Interesting.
  5. You started booting up two days ago
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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