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Our 1,103rd Edition
April 7th, 2017

The next time you're blue and down in the dumps, pick me up a spare tire
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A study says every droid in the workforce will cost six humans their jobs. That is, of course, unless one of the six humans has a hammer.

Vin Diesel says "Fate of the Furious" will be "the best film you ever saw." And really, what reason could Vin possibly have for lying?

FBI Director James Comey says sometimes the agency has to choose between "bad and worse." Hey, so do voters.

A 16-year-old boy in Bosnia broke a world record this week by smashing 111 concrete blocks with his head in 34 seconds. When asked why he did it, he replied, "Tuesday."

When President Trump was asked to throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game today, he apparently said, "Nyet."

A study says Americans over 60 are drinking more. You know what they say -- 70-proof is the new 60.

Some students at Yale say they have found an all-natural cure for hangovers. OK, NOW can we get back to cancer?

Scientists in India grew potatoes in a Mars simulator. So, apparently the first human sent to the Red Planet will have to be Irish.

Wrestlemania 33 was held over the weekend and my 33-even missing streak remains intact.

You know the federal income return deadline is April 18th this year, right? That means you have three extra days in 2017 to file an extension.

Chelsea Clinton says she doesn't believe her mom will run again. As for her dad, it just all depends if he gets caught.

Here we are once again, to un-mask a Friday together.

Tuesday was "Free Ice Cream Cone Day" at Ben and Jerry's. We all felt it was better to tell you about it today.

Depeche Mode says their new album will be about the state of the world today. Why wait? I'm going to start getting depressed now.

Always make a great first impression. My go-to is Pee Wee Herman. Awwwww!!!!!

Pro poker player Beth Shak filed for divorce from Fox News correspondent Rick Leventhal on Tuesday, after less than a year of marriage. Apparently, she wasn't bluffing.

A new book says in the future, an industry will be created evolving humans to be more advanced physically and mentally. Then again, the book was written by a robot, so I don't know if I believe it.

Singer Barry Manilow has come out and admitted that he's gay. In other shocking news, Charlie Sheen has picked up another STD.

Oreos just launched a new limited edition flavor called “Cookies & Creme.” So Oreo-flavored Oreo’s?
A report says only 7 in 10 Air Force planes are ready to fly. May I suggest we put more emphasis into the jets, rather than the planes?
A new Yale study claims that drinking a glass of wine works out our brain more than anything else we consume. The wine workout. Can Wine Zumba be far behind?
Joe Harris, the illustrator who created the Trix “Silly Rabbit” has died at the age of 89. His secret to a long life?  Not eating Trix.
If I seem confused, it’s because I have Siri, Alexa, Cortana and Google all competing with the voices in my head.
Fridays are the Pepsi that the work week hands us.
They say the U.S. Senate is about to go nuclear. The last time that happened was when they arranged Bran Muffins the morning after Cinco de Mayo.
Yesterday was National Burrito Day. Not Surprising that today is National Air Freshener Day.
The next time you’re tired of the insanity of the world and you just want to get away from everyone, take in a Shia LaBeouf movie.

I'm seriously considering recusing myself from Monday.

  1. Your political posts gave you so many unlikes, you have now have -7 friends
  2. You post every bad case of gas on Facebook live
  3. You speak fluently in three different emoji languages
  4. In a conversation with your boss, you kept looking for an unlike button
  5. You read posts while holding an ax


  1. Whatever you do, don't act like a flower
  2. Don't start singing the song, "A taste of honey"
  3. Don't ask "What's that buzzing sound?"
  4. Don't point at your wife and yell, "Take her!"
  5. For, at least a while, don't use the phrase "Sons of bees"
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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