They say once you go WACK, you never go back

In Montana, Greg Gianforte beat a reporter and his opponent to win a seat in congress.
Yes, not only did he nicely get his points across to the right, he's also got a nice right cross.

Green Bay has been named America's Drunkest City. We'll be sure to inform them after they sleep their latest one off...

And now, here's Donald Trump and his hit, "All You Need's a Shove!"

Brace yourself -- Adam Sandler's latest movie, The Meyerowitz Stories, is actually getting some Oscar buzz. Never thought you'd see Adam Sandler and the word Oscar in the same sentence, did you?

A report says U.S. workers leave half their vacation days on the table. The phrase, "Not me. No way in hell," comes to mind...

The Trump Soho hotel in New York City is planning to make staff layoffs. Everybody sing: "Soho, Soho, it's out-of-work you go... "

First Memorial Day in 20 years that Seattleites were complaining about how hot it was, versus how rainy it was.
The city of Los Angeles has banned the use of plastic bags in stores. I suppose, being Los Angeles, we should clarify that's for using them to bag groceries.

So how am I supposed to be able to access my data in the cloud on a clear day?

I love the 4-day work week that follows a 3-day weekend. The tough part is trying to keep straight what day of the week it is!

Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI over Memorial Day weekend. You'd think he, if anyone, would know best when it's time to use a driver.
The New York Post gets credit for this headline: "DUI of the Tiger"
Tiger claims he took four shots, but only wrote down three.

Not even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson could save "Baywatch: the movie." Ironically, it could not be rescued.

Do you think Kim Jong Un shoots off those missiles over the weekend just in case someone asks, "So, how was your weekend?" "Oh, just fired off a big rocket, if you know what I mean... "

Prince Charles has received an honorary degree from a school in Transylvania. Insert your vampire joke here.

Former Ford CEO Mark Fields will be given a $54.4-million severance package. That'll show him.

From my radio brother, Skip Tucker: Statistics show that 69% of people find something dirty in everything they read.

After that bloody Trump head gag, Kathy Griffin was fired from her CNN New Year's Eve gig. That's showing her...seven months from now.

From ventriloquist buddy, Mark Merchant: It's easy to get a beach body if you aim for the kind that washes ashore.

Mark Zuckerberg supports a universal basic income. I endorse a universal expectation that you should have a job. At least we agree on the word, 'universal.'

NASA is going to send a spacecraft to explore the sun. (the old joke is, "Yeah, their plan is to fly there at night.")
From Facebook: I wish common sense was more common.

Former player now Christian minister Margaret Court says that pro tennis is full of lesbians. Well, thank God golf & basketball are still safe.

Kathy Griffin was fired by CNN because of that Trump photo incident. Ironically, she was fired by just the head of CNN.
A psychologist says the average person is keeping 13 secrets. For the record, most of them are about you.
 
Nike says it will continue to endorse Tiger Woods following his arrest for DUI. He’ll be part of their new “Just don’t do it” line.
 
The Beatles album, “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” turned 50 this week. It’s first piece of junk mail from AARP arrived yesterday.
 
To let you know how old I am, I remember when he was Private Pepper. He loved to pick pickled peppers.

TOP FIVE POSSIBLE SEQUELS TO THE NEW MUMMY MOVIE

1. "Boss Mummy"
2. "Diary of a Mummy Kid"
3. "Guardians of the Mummy: Me"
4. "Mummy Dearest"
5. "Throw Mummy From the Train"

TOP FIVE SUMMER MOVIES THAT PROBABLY WON'T BE BLOCKBUSTERS

1. "Wonderbra Woman"
2. "Pilots of the Caribbean: Jack Sparrow Takes Up Flying"
3. "Beauty and the Beast Mode"
4. "Boss Baby: Revenge of the Diaper Pail"
5. "Baywatch: How About The Best Two Out Of Three"

Laugh a little, would ya?