They say once you go WACK, you never go back

Vice-President Mike Pence celebrated his 58th birthday last week. One of the rare secrets that didn't leak out of the White House.

Former FBI Director James Comey did not want to be left alone in a room with Donald Trump. So apparently, he is in touch with his feminine side.

There's a bar in Washington, D.C., that offered a free drink every time President Trump tweeted about former FBI Director James Comey during his testimony last Thursday. We don't know if there were any survivors.

Because Comey used the word in his testimony, "Lordy" is showing up all over the Internet. Lordy, I hope this doesn't become a trend. Crap!

Forbes has published a new expose on Eric Trump's charity golf tournaments. If the president subscribed, he won't now.

Former F.B.I. Director Jim Comey says he spoke with President Trump nine times in four months. If you're curious, that did break Melania's record.

Like my grandfather used to say, "Where am I?"

Welcome back to work everyone except those bastards that won the Powerball over the weekend.

From radio brother Matt Case: The United States is where Dads get a day and sharks get a whole week.

A study says text messages can help lower a person's blood sugar levels. So the president is doing it purely for health reasons, huh?

32 New York City mobsters have been indicted for trafficking stolen chocolate. OK, now organized crime has gone too far!!!

Tom Cruise says the sequel to "Top Gun" will have a volleyball scene. Well, they had to draw a line in the sand somewhere...

A sadomasochistic swingers' club in the UK has been shut down over health and safety concerns. In this case, some of them may have wanted to be punished...

Sam Panopoulos, the Canadian man who invented the Hawaiian Pizza, has died at the age of 83. Services will be held... with pineapple.

I'm pretty sure this is the first time in the history of the world that "I wonder if Dennis Rodman can talk some sense in him" has been said out loud.

Research indicates that exercising on an empty stomach may be the secret to weight loss. Like that's going to happen... times two!

We're scaling back on vacation expenses this year, which is why this summer, we're just going to the end of the block.

So basically, the Democrats were hoping the Session sessions would trump Trump. Have I got that right? Seems redundant.

Someone will have to let me know what it's like to be able to sit around and listen to congressional testimony all day long. I don't really care what they say, it's just that I work.

So, if you put on a play in a public park and stab to death the actor playing Donald Trump, that's OK...but if you cut off the head, THEN you get in trouble? Just trying to figure out the boundaries.

If the rumors are true about what happened during the taping of "Bachelor in Paradise", there could be a whole new cast for the revised, "Bachelor in Prison."

After spending a decade as the "Most interesting man in the world" for Dos Equis, actor Jonathon Goldsmith is now the spokesperson for Astral Tequila. Apparently being dumped by Dos Equis drove him to the hard stuff.

A report says that 10-million Americans have serious mental illness. I'm surprised the number's that low, too.

Khloe Kardashian says her boyfriend Tristan Thompson wants to have "5 or 6" kids with her. That should help with the worldwide Kardashian shortage.

A 62-million-year-old partial skeleton found in New Mexico shows that early primate ancestors lived in trees. And that one of their first complete sentences was, "Do you think that T-Rex is ever going to go away?"

A fisherman has discovered the world's first two-headed porpoise. They call him, "Flipper, Flipper... "

Starbucks is teaming up with Lady Gaga to release a line of summer drinks. Can “Baby, It Was Brewed This Way” Blend be far behind….
 
Complaints against airlines are said to be up 70% and possibly higher. If only the rest of the results hadn’t been accidentally sent to Cleveland.
 
You don’t realize how much you use your pointing finger until you accidentally cut it, have it wrapped in gauze and then try to type.
 
Hillary Clinton appeared in a video Tuesday in which she compared herself to ‘Wonder Woman’.  Some call her, “Wonder when she’s going to go away?” Woman.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU PROBABLY NEED TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS

1. Your shirt size has more X's than Larry King
2. Your bathroom scale actually runs away from you
3. There are muffin tops -- you have a French loaf
4. Your love handles have love handles
5. The floor creaks when you walk on it. And it's made of cement.

TOP FIVE REASONS YOUR SOCCER TEAM SUCKS

1. "No hands? When did they start that?"
2. Team mom never remembers treats
3. Team captain demanding promotion to major
4. Star player out with hangnail injury
5. After opponent scores, you goalie says he wasn't ready