Our 1,120th Edition
August 4th, 2017
Hot off the press. Well, OK, everything this week is hot
These jokes are available on a daily basic
through Radio-Online. Click here for a free demo
Anyone up for a "Skinny repeal" of Monday?
A report says the obesity epidemic is affecting 711 Million people worldwide. 7-11... there's that number again...
A poll says 33% of Americans are happy. How you feel about that statistic probably lets you know which category you fall in.
Oklahoma State University and Ohio State University are in a battle over the trademark of "OSU." Oregon State is saying, "Never heard of 'em."
A survey says 43% of workers say they don't get enough sleep to be safe at work. I read that right before grabbing a nap inside the trash compactor yesterday...
President Trump has suggested that he should be up on Mount Rushmore. Those who are mostly in favor of the idea are the ones that want to push him off.
Twitter failed to grow an audience in the second quarter. Could the reason possibly rhyme with resident thump?
A study says too much sugar could increase the risk of depression in men. Now I'm even sadder.
Katie Couric is leaving Yahoo News after three years. Katie says she's proud of the three years she spent there... but not enough to say, "Yahoo."
A study says blowing out birthday candles on a cake increases bacteria on the cake by 14 times... (sing) "to you!"
J-Lo and Alex Rodriguez posed for a photo in front of a giant LOVE statue. Not sure how they managed to get both of their heads into the shot.
Seattle has an excessive heat warning posted. By Thursday, they expect to have the Space Needle officially sterilized.
White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci is already out. He wasn't even there long enough for the president to turn on him!
Seen on Facebook: My son, Luke, loves how we named all our kids after Star Wars characters. My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.
Heroin addicts living in run-down RV's, stealing things, leaving needles everywhere. Here's an idea outside the box: what if we made heroin illegal?
Just a reminder during this hot weather, if you're going shopping and your husband insists on staying in the car, please be sure to leave a window cracked for him.
Jake Browning, the U.W. Huskies quarterback, just tweeted: "Hello fall camp, goodbye Twitter." Obviously, he could never be president.
Long-time Price Is Right host Bob Barker died yesterday at the age of 94. He can now take his eternal reward or choose what's behind door number 2!
Anthony Scaramucci says that the foul-mouthed rant that got him fired was only a joke. So, now he's a lousy White House Communications Director and a horrible stand-up comedian.
Bible studies have been taking place recently at the White House. Where's the commandment, "Thou shalt not Twitter" when you really need it.
The state of Colorado has determined that the tax revenue from the sale of legalized marijuana has now exceeded half a billion dollars. This, according to official statistics from the state Department of Doritos.
What I don't like about pot is it makes you paranoid. The other night, I swear, I heard my Roomba telling the Keurig, "I'll bet we could take him."
It's been a great day. Earlier, I bought a pack of Trump Administration Trading Cards and got two Scaramucci's!
From radio brother Skip Tucker:
If you'd like to read along in
The Gospel according to Shrek,
open your bibles to Psalm
BODY ONCE TOLD ME
Hot weather tip: Preserve friendships by avoiding those who use an all-natural deodorant and believe it actually works.
The National Safety Council says that 43% of Americans are sleep deprived. To all of you, I’d just like to say, “My people!”
Krispy Kreme is going to start serving Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup donuts...because their other ones apparently weren’t unhealthy enough.
A study says one third of U.S. adults had prescriptions for opioids in 2015. They keep talking about the ‘opioid problem.’ It doesn’t really seem like there’s a problem getting it.
Scientists say they have found the brain’s “on switch” for burning fat. I’m assuming mine has the safety on….
A new rule would ban most Americans from traveling to North Korea. Well, there goes this year’s big vacation.
NASA is currently looking for someone with a secret security clearance to ensure that alien life, or "organic-constituent and biological contamination" doesn't make its way back to earth in a space ship. If you think this is a really stupid idea, just look at this pen……
President Trump say that, despite the chaos, his team is ‘winning!’ Didn’t I see this movie before, with Charlie Sheen?
President Trump is taking his first vacation since taking office. Three words: “Hide his phone!”
TOP FIVE SIGNS IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY HOT DAY
- Vultures have stopped circling your house. Now in front yard wearing bibs
- Weather forecast includes a skull and cross bones
- Your thermometer just went on vacation
- The Ice Cream Truck coming down the street just melted
- Your cactus is crying
TOP FIVE SIGNS THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG WEEK
- You just realized you never left work on Friday
- It's bad enough you parked in your boss's parking spot, but your boss is also under your car
- Your doctor just called and said don't bother making any plans for this weekend
- Your mother-in-law just arrived with FIVE suitcases
- The boss's flogging supplies just arrived from Amazon
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, 
