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Our 1,127th Edition
September 22nd, 2017

I could walk a mile in your shoes, but I'd rather Uber
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Is it just me, or is North Korea just a bigger version of that neighbor kid a block away with the illegal fireworks that keeps launching rockets over your house?

A study says 37% of Americans can't name all the rights guaranteed by the First Amendment. That has to do with the Constitution, right?

Jared Kushner is putting together a bipartisan group to come up with ideas to improve prison life. I believe that's what some like to call, "covering your bases."

You may have noticed that I left Facebook for a while, but I'm back now. Man, that was a long five minutes.

Jason Day has fired his caddie but is keeping him on as his swing coach. One theory is that Jason's having trouble lately because he's working with too many specialists. At least that's what his 3-5 foot Putt Coach thinks.

They say scammers are out in force after that Equifax hack last week. For the full list, just send $50 cash to me, unmarked bills, please. No return address necessary.

The world's oldest person has died in Jamaica at age 117. I tell you, that title is cursed.

McDonald's is getting a new brand of apple juice for its Happy Meals, which has half the sugar and calories. Which has skeptics asking, is it because it's half the juice or twice the water?

Remember, it's not what you know. It's something else I can't remember at the moment.

There's a Christian researcher claiming the Rapture will begin this Saturday. Hopefully, after the football games.

Apple's new operating system, iOS11 is now available. Not to be confused with the terrifying, I owe the I.R.S. 11K.

A new study says that being forgetful could be a sign of intelligence. I don't remember where I read that, so I must be a friggin' genius!

A Pumpkin Spice good morning to you.

Walla Walla celebrated what would have been Adam West's 89th birthday on Tuesday, in honor of the hometown boy who made it big. Adam put the town on the map. Twice.

President Trump told the U.N. yesterday that "we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea" if they continue on their nuclear path. My guess is, right before he hits the button, he'd say, "Kim Jong Un -- You're fired upon!"

Bad week for Toys R Us. Not only did they file for bankruptcy, but now they found out Geoffrey the Giraffe has strep throat.
Toys R Us has filed for bankruptcy. Complete with a backwards R in bankruptcy.
Hillary Clinton has called herself the “Paul Revere of Russian Meddling.” One if by land, two if by email…
The wife of Donald Trump’s ethics adviser was caught having sex in a car with a prison inmate. I’ll be honest—as a comedy writer, I don’t know where to start on this one.
The forecast was not good, people braced themselves for the worst possible scenario, some stayed put ignoring all the warnings. But now, Donald Trump has left the U.N..
Ironic that the last two letters in Kim Jong Un’s name are U.N..
With everything going on in the world, do we really need a sequel to the Jumanji movie?
From my disturbed friend, Skip Tucker: “I’m tired of the Man always bringin’ me down. Then again, it *was* my choice to subscribe to the Comforter-of-the-Month Club to begin with.”
A new study says sex and sleep are the keys to happiness. You’d think that members of congress would be happier.
A study says playing tackle football before age 12 could lead to brain issues. I don’t know about that. I played before I was 12 and cheese.

President Trump has called the Iran nuclear deal an "embarrassment." Amazing everyone, the nuclear deal began speaking and said, “YOU’RE calling ME a what?”
The Italian restaurant chain "Villa Italian Kitchen" is adding a new pumpkin spice pizza to its menu. Someone stop the madness!!!
You have to admit, it’s interesting when our president is called crazy by the leader of a country that won’t allow women to take selfies, work in coffee shops, enter sports stadiums where men are competing, or leave the country without their husbands…and he’s the sane one.
"My plan to create thousands of new jobs involves opening a vast network of Tattoo Removal Parlors over the next 10 years." --John Fugelsang

  1. Pumpkin Spice Toilet Paper
  2. Pumpkin Spice Flu Shots
  3. Pumpkin Spice Racks
  4. Pumpkin Spice Old Spice
  5. Pumpkin Spice Pumpkin Pie (would seem redundant)
  1. Take down that annoying "When does school start again?" banner over the front door
  2. Light your Tiki torches and see if everyone's still uptight about them
  3. Pick up the empty beer cans in the back yard, take 'em in and use the money to buy a new car
  4. Try to start your lawn mower, at least once, just for fun
  5. Take down your Christmas lights
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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