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Our 1,139th Edition
December 15th, 2017

Does Santa wear elastic-waist pants? Duh!

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A proposed bill in California would ban gasoline cars by the year 2040. The good news about the engineers working on making that possible -- they're self-driving.

A man in Washington State told police that Donald Trump ordered him to fight "the lizard people." I know most of congress is really old, but there's no need to start calling names.

Bitcoin is now worth over $16,000. It sold for 6-cents in 2010. Once again, my ship came in but I was at the train station.

Sharing this conversation I had with my wife this week, as she was trying to describe where her favorite nail place had moved:

    "So, you know where the Oak Tree Shopping Center is?"
    "South of there."
    "What's it near?"
    "That auto repair place."
    "Hmm....not sure..."
    "It's in that little shopping center."
    "Doesn't ring any bells."
    "It used to be a porn shop."
    "OH! THAT place!"

Don't know who said it, but it was on Facebook: "The weather this week favored Roy Moore, because it was going to dip down into the teens."

Wolf whistling and sexist remarks on London streets could soon be labeled as a hate crime. Do guys still "wolf whistle?" Or just the ones who still say, "23 skidoo?"

The EPA has listed 21 toxic Superfund sites that need "immediate and intense" cleanup. The Trump administration says that all 7 of them are a top priority and hope to have both cleaned up by early next year.

A new report claims that half of Americans don't take vacation time. I'm proud to say, no one I know. Who are these sick people?

Manny Pacquiao is reportedly in talks with Conor McGregor for a boxing match. I don't pay a lot of attention to boxing. Is that the Manny from Modern Family?

Saudi Arabia has ended their ban on public movie theaters after 35 years. At least until the first cell phone goes off behind a prince.

I'm ready for winter weather, I'm excited about a New Year... I just don't know if I'm up for another Awards Show season.

Remember when someone said, "Boy, that's presidential!" and it was a compliment?

Astronomers are keeping their eyes on a cigar-shaped object that entered our solar system last night that, for now, they're calling a 'comet'. It was between that or Cupid, Donner or Blitzen.

President Trump says he wants to send astronauts to the moon and Mars. Just a thought: could we keep the astronauts here and...

New research suggests that a 3-day work week would be best for people over the age of 40. Suggest all you want -- convince my boss!

A former Facebook executive has said he feels "tremendous guilt" about helping develop the social network and regrets promoting "tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works." But don't worry -- I gave his comment a poop emoji.

Yoplait has introduced a new flavor of yogurt: Girl Scout Cookie. Sounds healthy to me!

The Merriam-Webster's word of the year for 2017 is "feminism." Not surprising, "covfefe" finished dead last.

You know it just wouldn't be Christmas without a tree, decorations, lights, stress and spending too much.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker:

     "He's making a list
      And checking it twice
      He's making a list
      And checking it thrice
      Santa Claus has got OCD"

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un says he can control the weather. I don't think it's as much "controlled" as the clouds fear they'll be shot.

A judge has told former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort to stop communicating with the media. Now, if we can just get that same judge to block the president from his phone...

Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro is threatening to ban the opposition from future elections. That would make it pretty easy to win... but even more embarrassing if you lost.

A study says kids ask adults 73 questions a day. At least half of those are the question, "Why?"

Donald Trump says he wants to send astronauts to the Moon. It's part of his new "Let's Make the Moon Lunar Again" campaign.

The New York Times says President Trump drinks 12 Diet Cokes each day. Finally, some good news for the anti-Trump crowd.

Everyone's saying it: "It was a bad night for Roy Moore and the horse he rode in on."

The problem with Roy Moore riding in on a horse to cast his vote -- some people saw the other end of the horse, thought it was a better candidate and voted for it.

Major League Baseball's winter meetings wrapped up yesterday. Boy they can't get anything right: they open Spring Training in winter and the championship of the Boys of Summer is in the fall.

United Airlines is now flying to Tahiti. So now you can be dragged off a jet in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

Funny bit on Facebook:

        She: I'd like a unicorn for Christmas
     Santa: Be realistic.
        She: OK, then I'd like a boyfriend.
     Santa: What color unicorn?

Jet Blue had to divert a flight to another airport after one of the passengers starting biting people. How bad were the snacks on that flight?

In the past three months, airlines earned a record $1.2 billion just in baggage fees! Because, as you know, we all have baggage.

A new study says that women are more unhappy than men until they reach the mid-80s. That's probably because by then, we drop dead and they keep going, right?


  1. Santa Clarita Claus
  2. Krusto, King of Fruit-cakia
  3. Willie the Wilted Wreath
  4. Frosty the Puddle"
  5. Marvin, the Egg-Nogged Reindeer


  1. Blitzed
  2. Slacker
  3. Chunky
  4. Slothy
  5. Dragger
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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