Our 1,145th Edition
February 2nd, 2018
Is having deja vu on Groundhog's Day redundant?
The Doomsday Clock has been moved up to two-minutes within midnight. In other words, when it comes time to "spring ahead", we're all doomed.
The Doomsday Clock is a symbol which represents the likelihood of a man-made global catastrophe... or, as Milwaukee Brewers fans call it, "baseball season."
KFC is going all-PC. Reba McEntire is going to become the first female Colonel Sanders and they've also admitted that calling baby chickens "chicks" is sexist.
President Trump has proposed re-doing the classic Abbott and Costello routine to include I-don't-know on third, what's on second and America's on first.
I'm waiting for the headline, "Apple admits bad timing as several teens attempt the HomePod Challenge"
Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA, died last weekend at the age of 91. Of course, he left behind instructions on how to put together his funeral.
So, the third-oldest McDonald's in the country, located in Portland, Oregon, is going to be torn down next month. Yep, falling arches.
In California, they're considering a law that would make it illegal for wait staff to hand you a straw in a restaurant unless you asked for one. Violators could face up to a $1,000 fine. There's a "last straw" line somewhere there.
A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. I believe Tony Robbins has even replaced the burning coals with Legos.
Police in southern Germany are on the lookout for a thief who somehow managed to steal 44-tons of chocolate. Police describe the suspect as "pimply and dangerous".
Families are asked to watch out for a relative who gives everyone chocolate for the next 20 years.
Facebook says it's going to start showing you more local news. Gee, I hope that doesn't cut into all the political posts... .
Today is the day of the Super Blue Blood Red Moon. I was half-afraid it was going to fall out of the sky from the weight of all those adjectives.
Yesterday, it seems like there was less talk about the state of the union and more about the state of the moon.
A 19-year-old New Jersey teenager became the youngest person ever to row solo across the Atlantic. The most amazing part is a teen putting down their phone for that many days in a row.
Diet Coke is running commercials with the theme "life is short." If that's the direction of advertising, if I was Sara Lee, I'd switch my slogan to "Hey, you're gonna die anyway."
David Mueller, the DJ who lost a groping lawsuit to Taylor Swift, has landed a new radio gig in Mississippi. Not sure when Mueller is going to interview the president. Or, I could be getting my stories screwed up.
While watching the State of the Union speech, you have to admit that President Trump received applause on practically everything he said. Of course, he was the one applauding, but still... ..
The big question today—Will Phil the Groundhog see his shadow? Or, will there be Russian interference?
A study says hearing voices may mean having a well-tuned brain. So far, 76% of the voices in my head agree.
Pfizer is planning a $5-billion boost in U.S. manufacturing because of the tax law change. Makes you wonder---are they on drugs?
The Kenyan government has shut down all TV and radio stations because of political unrest. While over here, that remains the lead story.
A Swiss university is offering a degree in yodeling. News, interesting is that. Oh, wait. Yodel, not Yoda…never mind.
In Seattle, it’s not a matter of the glass is half full or half empty. The glass was empty and it just filled up with 3-inches of rain.
Actor Robert Wagner is now considered a “person of interest” in the drowning death of actress
Natalie Wood more than 36 years ago, according to a new report. I figured he had gone bad when I saw him hanging with Dr. Evil.
TOP FIVE WAYS TO THROW A LOUSY SUPER BOWL PARTY
- Serving last year's party leftovers
- Unmarked 10-alarm salsa
- Gag rubber corn chips
- Muting the commercials (c'mon, that's the only reason a lot of us are watching)
- 12-inch TV screen
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE COFFEE IS WAY TOO STRONG
- Probably better if you take a smaller slice
- Starbucks refers to that strength as "weaponized"
- One of your relatives from another state called to say it smells great
- Adding cream only pisses it off
- It completely ate your stir stick
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, 
