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Our 1,154th Edition
April 6th, 2018

Rain, rain, go away. Oh, you won't? More today?.
If you're looking for a summer job, a Rhode Island nudist campground is looking for a lifeguard. Think of all the money you'll save on uniforms.

This weekend went better than I thought it would. I was expecting to finally win the Powerball lottery just as I was hit by a falling Chinese satellite.

Maserati has unveiled a 590 horsepower SUV. That pretty much guarantees you can get the kids to soccer practice in 2-minutes, no matter where you are.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has just recused himself from having to eat egg salad sandwiches. I think the power is getting to him...

A study says 1 in 4 Americans never carry cash. In my case, for the record, it's not by choice.

On Easter, before the big event, my buddy Skip Tucker said: "I've got this. I've been winning egg hunts since before I was born."

And National Egg Salad Sandwich Week continues....

OK, I'll be honest. I was half-expecting President Trump to announce last weekend that he's fired the Easter Bunny and replaced him with Carrot Top.

Scientists have invented sensors that you can mount onto your teeth to track your diet from inside your mouth... making it no longer necessary to eat with your eyes open.

For whatever reason, I have a hard time eating Planters' Peanuts after I heard there are plantar warts.

Seen on social media: "Being a Millennial is like joining a game of Monopoly when every property already has a hotel on it."

I missed Doris Day's 96th birthday the other day. Oh, well. Que sera, sera... ..

Scientists say there could be DNA testing for IQ soon. If you're wondering what IQ stands for, don't worry about the test.

A Canadian company is planning to make drones that can carry a 400-pound payload. Remember when the worst thing we had to worry about flying overhead was a pigeon.

Duke University is holding a "fork amnesty" day for students to return stolen utensils from school cafeterias. Hey, you can't blame the little Blue Devils for trying.

Tesla shares dropped 7% after Elon Musk's April Fool's Day tweet saying the company was filing for bankruptcy. Comedy is tough.

NBC talk show host Cat Greenleaf says that NBC fired her because her depression. Now, she says she's so depressed, they'll probably try to fire her again.

Author Stephen King tweeted this out this week: For years I thought KC and the Sunshine Band were pleading for non-traditional marriage, but what I was hearing as "Keep it common-law" turned out to be "Keep it comin', love."

Matt Case points out that if 666 is evil, then 25.8069758011 is the square root of all evil.

Scientists have extracted DNA from a 4,000-year-old Egyptian mummy. The tough part was getting it to spit enough into that little tube.

The Masters Golf Tournament begins Thursday in Augusta, Georgia. The winner gets a stylish green jacket. Unfortunately, two weeks after St. Patrick's Day.

The Masters has officially banned spectators from yelling the Bud Light catch phrase "Dilly Dilly." Do it, and you'll be thrown out. Dilly dilly.

A report says a "super gonorrhea" strain is coming to the U.S.. Sounds catchy.

Rudy Giuliani's third marriage is heading for divorce. Which, I believe, qualifies him to run for president.


  1. There STILL aren't enough women's restrooms!
  2. There's a tornado watch in effect for the two lower decks
  3. Home to over 2,000 Starbucks locations
  4. Next year, hopes to become the first-ever floating and 51st state
  5. They plan to have their own football league


  1. Throw them at Justin Bieber's house
  2. Put them in the hen house when the chickens aren't looking-freaks them out!
  3. See if the store will take them back
  4. Throw an Egg Salad Sandwich party! Yeah! Great!
  5. Save them for next year
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!

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