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Our 1,164th Edition
June 15th, 2018

Let freedom ring and have the machine get it

Kim Jong Un said he wants to open a McDonald’s in North Korea, which will most likely offer “Happy to be alive” meals.
In a new interview, Kanye West talked about being bipolar. Kanye denied it.
Last week, President Trump celebrated his 500th day in office. I’m sure there must be at least one zero missing.
And now we know the odds of the Washington Capitals beating the Las Vegas Golden Knights:  4-1.

The University of West Alabama is prohibiting students form sending harsh text messages. The student body president sent out a message that this decision was “100% poo-poo yucky.”
Argentina’s peso has plunged to a record low. Wooden nickels are now worth even more.
Harvard scientists say the formula to living longer is diet, exercise, weight management, no excessive drinking and not smoking. Then again, there are those wouldn’t call that living.
Keira Knightly received the OBE award from Queen Elizabeth II. Doesn’t knighting a Knightly seem redundant?
Scientists say walking fast can add years to your life. Sounds like the solution is hiring people to chase me.
Starbucks is raising the price of its coffee by 10 to 20 cents. I’m considering it a, “Well, I guess we have to be nice to all of you” tax.
Some companies in Sweden are experimenting with a 6-hour work day. I’ve been getting away with that for years.

Remind me never to ask Robert De Niro to come speak to my mom’s book club.

A plan to split California into three states has officially made their November ballot. That would screw up the U.S. flag!

From my radio bro, Skip Tucker: I just now realized that I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in Mrs. Sebesta's 10th grade English class, so I want to apologize if you've been thinking that everything I've said since then is from Shakespeare.

Kathy Griffin says she lost 90% of her friends after posting that controversial Donald Trump photo. Funny. Kim Jong Un said the same thing.

Uber says it can detect drunk passengers by the way they hold their phone. I've learned to dial mine with my toes, just to mess with them.

A study says coffee may be good for the liver. So if it's good and alcohol is bad, I'm going to consider it all a wash.

Kim Jong Un brought his own portable toilet to his summit in Singapore with Donald Trump. Too much detail? Then we won't go into what he did in there.

There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over 80-years-old. I'm thinking about getting their new album, "Get off my lawn!"

When President Trump and Kim Jong Un sat down earlier this week, the questions had to be asked: "What about human rights violations and keeping people locked up?" and Trump insisted that Melania was free to go anywhere she wanted.

President Trump has said that he has the power to pardon himself, but he will never forgive the producers of "The Emoji Movie" for that they did.

Eunice Gayson, who appeared in the movie, "Dr. No" and was the very first Bond Girl, has died at the age of 90. That was back in the days when someone named Eunice could become a Bond Girl.

A woman who claims to be the long-lost daughter of a rich New York City real estate developer is hoping to get a chunk of his $94-million estate. You know what I call a woman who tries something like that? Just one word: sister!

The only way the Singapore meeting could have ended better would be if President Trump had announced he was replacing his ‘P' with a ‘B' and he would now be known as President Trumb.

Now that we've achieved peace with North Korea, it's time to focus on Canada and Mexico.


  1. They stole your towels
  2. The TV is black and white and pay by minute
  3. There's a charge for looking inside the refrigerator
  4. Why do you need maid service? There are no sheets on the bed!
  5. Trip Advisor's two-word review: "Get out!"


  1. Yu came in and your desk is now a Taco Bar
  2. You're the odds-on favorite in the kitchen office pool
  3. Co-worker greeted you with, "Hey, can I have your parking spot?"
  4. You get a company email asking which day would be best for your farewell party.
  5. Boss asks if you like the color pink
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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