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Our 1,167th Edition
July 6th, 2018

Coming off a week where ever day felt like Friday

Toys R Us closed their stores for good on Friday. Apparently, now I have to grow up.

The USDA confirms that the U.S. has a stockpile of 1.385-billion pounds of cheese. No wonder America acts like it's backed up.

As of yesterday, plastic straws are now illegal in Seattle. If you live there, it's now impossible to break a camel's back.

I suppose you heard. Last Friday, Toys R Us officially changed its name to Toys Were Us.

South Korea has officially cut its workweek from 68 to 52 hours. Slackers.

Of course, the move was condemned by the Workaholics Union, Local 142.

A new study says the risk of death decreases after age 105. So apparently, 105 is like New York: if you make it there, you can make it anywhere.

A study says humans only visit 25 places regularly. I'll assume one of them is the restroom.

President Trump is said to be seriously considering the next judge he'd like to see on the U.S. Supreme Court. We hear he likes two particular judges: Katy Perry and Lionel Ritchie.

From my radio brother, Skip Tucker: Sometimes, life throws you a curveball, and you don't know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor.

Our positive thought for the day: July is the final month without football for the rest of the year.

A new study has linked coffee to a longer life. OK, we're ahead now. Can we stop with the studies?

A new study has linked coffee to a longer life. Or maybe, waiting in all those lines at Starbucks just makes it seem longer.

As Lindsay Lohan turned 32 this week, she announced that her "troubled past was dead." I was thinking that about her acting career.

From Matt Case: The fact that Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite having no brain gives hope to many people.

A cannabis historian says that Jesus probably used pot which may have been responsible for some of his miracles. The way you come up with a theory like that? Become a cannabis historian.

A report says the average 401(k) account is worth $103,000. I'm just $102,000 short.

I’m thinking of starting an exchange program. Counting how many explosions happen after 10pm in my neighborhood and then returning them the next morning at 4 when I get up. Seems only fair. 

A Michigan judge has ruled that kids to have a fundamental right to literacy, whatever that means.
Delta’s new 777 airliners have seats that are 18.5 inches across, the widest of any wide-body planes. Which is great news for most Americans with wider bodies.
Yankees outfielder Brett Gardner says he was fined $3,500 in June for slow play. Non-baseball fans everywhere were asking, “How could you tell?”


  1. You're in an air-conditioned theater watching an Adam Sandler choice!
  2. Your dog sees the neighbor's cat and sends him an angry text message
  3. The neighbor kids left out some water, a few lemons, some sugar and a sign that said, "Make it yourself!"
  4. You got sweats stains on your shirt while it was in your closet
  5. The weather forecaster just announced we're all going to die!


  1. Make them play football instead
  2. Each teams gets to use one exploding ball per game
  3. Drone outfielders
  4. Umpires are given stun guns
  5. Build a wall between 1st and 2nd base
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!

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