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Our 1,201st Edition
March 15th, 2019

That must make today leftover Pi Day

Eva Longoria of “Desperate Housewives” turns 44 today. She has a 1-year-old and now knows how NOT to get him in college when he grows up.

Tim McGraw credits a healthy lifestyle and giving up alcohol for his losing 40-pounds over recent years. There is that risk.

R. Kelly says there's only $350,000 in his bank account. For us regular folk, we rarely use the words "only" and "$350,000" in the same sentence.

You know, I wouldn't complain about the time change if I wasn't so tired and grumpy because of the time change."

Baseball's Atlantic League will use computers to call balls and strikes. Instead of yelling at umpires, managers will be told to call tech support.

A South Carolina man stormed a Taco Bell, making his own Mexican pizza after claiming the one they made didn't have enough meat. The employees laughed. "You think that's meat?"

In Pennsylvania, a man was arrested for choking another man who was singing Christmas songs and wouldn't stop. Not sure why he was arrested.

Justin Bieber told followers on Instagram that he's been struggling a lot lately. Apparently, his eggs just aren't hitting houses like they used to...

Tom comes to a river and doesn't see anywhere to cross. Then he sees his buddy Steve on the other side and yells out, "Hey, Steve, how do I get to the other side?" and Steve replied, "You ARE on the other side!"

Mixed Martial Arts star fighter Conor McGregor was arrested Monday evening after police said he smashed a fan's phone outside a Miami Beach hotel. I'm imaging what went through the arresting officer's mind: "Please don't put up a fight. Please don't put up a fight... ."

From Facebook: My wife says I never listen to her, or something like that.

Breaking news: this just in-a videotape has surfaced that actually shows R. Kelly not having sex. Film at 11.

You know, if Washington State does approve sticking with Daylight Saving Time year ‘round, that means that hour of sleep we lost-we will never get back. Who do I sue?

I sat at my house last night, thinking: I can't watch any movies with Kevin Spacey; can't enjoy any old TV shows with Lori Loughlin or Felicity Huffman; shouldn't listen to music from R. Kelly or Michael Jackson. Thank God Weird Al is still clean.

Howard Stern's third book, "Howard Stern Comes Again", comes out May 14th and is already number one on Amazon due to pre-orders. That means, in just a few short weeks, it will be the number one book among porch thieves.

Heather King, star of the reality show "Tanked" was arrested for domestic violence. She would just like to Tank everyone who got her where she is today... .

A flight out of a Saudi Arabia airport this week had to turn back after one of their passengers realized she left her baby at the terminal. There goes the Mother of the Year award...

To be clear, "Full House" star Lori Loughlin once said, “I’ll never push my kids.” She never said, “I won’t pay someone to pull them.”
‘Bomb Cyclone’ is the best weather-phenomena name that is not currently in use as a band name. As far as I know.
Facebook and Instagram both went down for a while on Wednesday. For 14  hours, millions of people literally had nothing to be upset about.
California Governor Gavin Newsom has ended the death penalty for the state. Once again, it’s safe for Pauley Shore to make another movie.
From Facebook: My fitness goal—to be able to trim my toenails and breathe at the same time.


  1. When you opened the refrigerator door, a cadaver dog showed up

  2. When I went to grab it, it growled at me.

  3. That's not a healthy-looking shade of green, you know

  4. I swear, I saw it just move.

  5. Didn't that fast food place go out of business last year?


  1. That tattoo you got that says, "I'm so excited for spring, I just wet my plants!"

  2. You have a Burpee's Seed poster over your bed

  3. You have a panic attack if someone changes the TV from HGTV

  4. You threw a retirement party for your snow blower

  5. You spelled "Ready for Spring" with lawn fertilizer in your front yard

Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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