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Our 1,228th Edition
SepTIMber 27th, 2019

Do you have any other flavors, besides imPEACH?

Oreo is now selling monster cookie decorating kits. Because there's not already enough sugar surrounding Halloween.

A pair of used panties belonging to Hitler's mistress, Eva Braun were auctioned off for $4,600. I hear that during the bidding, there was quite a führer.

A study says 1 in 5 Americans can't name a single branch of government. I think I can name all three-the Department of Corruption, Lobbyists, and the Library of Congress. That's a branch, right?

A study says Illinois is the state that hates football the most. Two words can easily explain that: da Bears.

This score just in: Steven Tyler, 71-his girlfriend, Aimee Preston, 32. And that's far from a final.

After $15-billion of improvements and repairs, the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C. reopened to the public. However, it still doesn't look anything like the first president.

There had rumors he was quitting, but Ryan Seacrest said he will be back to host "American Idol" one more season. Somewhere, Brian Dunkleman is saying, "Crap!"

Antonio Brown says he is done with the NFL. I think they were first.

Kim Kardashian says she doesn't wear makeup and is only in sweats when she's with her family in Wyoming. OK, they're $1200 designer sweats, but they're still sweats.

Tesla is offering "Caraoke," a system that turns cars into a Karaoke stage. My only question: "Why????????"

Miley Cyrus is single again. Parents, lock up whatever you've got.

Viewership for the Emmys Sunday night were at an all-time low, under 7-million for the first time. This is why you need a host, so you have someone to blame!

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: I like to think that I'm a relatively intelligent man, but I've poked every single bruise I've ever had just to think, "Ouch. Yep, That's a bruise."

Nestle has announced that this holiday season, they're going to be offering luxury kit kat bars... ..hand-crafted and you'll be able to choose from 15,000 flavors... .at $17 a Kit Kat Bar. Gimme a break. (only available in the U.K.)

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says steps are being taken to avoid war with Iran. For example, just a minute ago he said, "Please, sir, back way from the Twitter."

The creator of "Rambo" says he hated "Last Blood" and left the theater feeling "degraded and dehumanized." The White House press corps was quick to respond, "Yeah, tell us about it."

A study says parents only have 32 minutes of "me time" every day. That seems, oh, around 31 minutes too high.

Can Ben & Jerry's newest flavor, "Impeach Mint" be far behind?

Placido Domingo has withdrawn from all of his scheduled performances at New York's Metropolitan Opera because of all the sexual misconduct allegations. There's talk he may be signed by the New England Patriots.

From Facebook:

  • Why is naked pronounced nay-ked, but baked is pronounced baked?
  • Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
  • I wonder if the guy who came up with "One Hit Wonder" had any other catch phrases?

Move over Barbie, Mattel is releasing a collection of gender-neutral dolls. Although, let's be honest-Barbie and Ken have had something in common since the beginning.

A study says the best coffee city in the U.S. is Seattle. Well, there was a waste of research money.

From Skip Tucker: If Superman doesn't wear underwear with my pictures all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared.

I don’t get these parents who paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to get their kids into a certain college. It’s like they’re suggesting that going to college isn’t expensive enough!
A study of mummies show that cholesterol and heart disease were issues in ancient times. Still nothing about daddies so far…..
A New York butcher shop has started selling meat from vending machines. Nothing says ‘fresh’ like recognizing a piece of meat from a couple of days ago.
A study says fish oil reduces the chances of having a heart attack. If nothing else, it will keep your salmon from squeaking.
A metal detector enthusiast in England found 99 coins worth $60,000. If only the assistant hadn’t needed to do laundry….
Experts say that when someone interrupts you in a meeting, that you should take back the conversation by saying their name. That usually stops them. “Dumb as a post jerk-face” does not count as a name.


  1. You ask what the waiter recommends and he says, "Leaving"
  2. Waiter asks how you'd like your sushi cooked
  3. Sign out front says, "Welcome back Survivors"!
  4. No reviews have ever been given, good or bad
  5. The Poison Control Center has an office there


  1. Neighbor, sitting out front laughing as the leaves from his tree fall into your yard
  2. Costco has their Valentine's Day stuff out
  3. The New York Jets are already eliminated from the playoffs
  4. Liev Schreiber has begun to turn colors
  5. Well, for starters, there's the brand-new Pumpkin Spiced Preparation H
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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