Madonna has tested positive for the coronavirus antibodies. However, the antibodies are denying it.
Mari Winsor, a celebrity trainer for Hollywood's elite who became known as a Pilates guru, has died. She was 70. I keep telling you, exercise is bad for you...
People who read books live an average of 2 years longer than those who don't read. So, apparently, I'm running out of time faster than I thought.
It's Cinco de Mayo-party at your house.
Wow, all this time, I had the six-foot rule wrong. I thought it had to do with height. All this time, I've been avoiding short people.
I made a discovery over the weekend, after going to three different places wearing my facemask-Facemask Hair!
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tell about departing the royal family in a new book, "Finding Freedom: Harry and Meghan and the making of a Modern Royal Family." They couldn't say Modern Family, so they had to throw in the word, ‘royal'.
A popular welcome mat at Target these days says, "Hope you brought wine."
I'll be honest, when I first heard ‘Murder Hornets', I thought it was a new series on Netflix.
Ben and Jerry have come out with a new flavor, that combines chocolate ice cream, fudge, and potato chips. It's called, "Chip Happens." No chip! What the fudge? OK, I'm done.
You know, I don't remember any pandemic in "Back to the Future." They lied!
The host of the YouTube show "Brave Wilderness" voluntarily got stung by one of those Monster Hornets to demonstrate how much it hurts. I would have taken his word for it.
Mark Consuelos says he's looking forward to the days that his wife, Kelly Ripa, goes gray. Seems like a safe thing to say... ..
I was just thinking. You know, this little place we call home... is now also that little place we call work.
Florian Schneider, one of the founders of the German group, Kraftwerk, has died. I’ll never forget their song, “Autobahn.” One of the first songs where I memorized all the words.
Yeah, I was sitting here thinking, “You know, I really shouldn’t sit around so much. I should get out and walk the dog.” Then I remembered, I don’t have a dog. So here I sit.
Not all superheroes wear capes. For example, Nakedman.
Sometime earlier this year, up in Saskatchewan, somebody stole 5,000 bushels of organic wheat, valued at $68,000. (the cheap joke would be, “Well, that’s Canadian dollars, or $127.50 U.S., but I’m not stooping that low)
I just figure, if you don’t know what day it is, you might as well make it one you like
A quick poem for National Nurses Week:
Like before a big show, an actor rehearses,
We'd just like to say, Hey, thank you nurses.
Sometimes shoes don't always go with purses,
But that has nothing to do with saying, Thank you, nurses.
Just like funerals wouldn't be the same without hearses,
This week wouldn't be complete without saying, Thank You, nurses.
I know, right about now, you're wondering, Tim, how many verses.
Hey, it's all so we can just say, Thank You, Nurses.
Because we feel this way, as much as Samuel L. Jackson curses,
We'd all like to say one more time-- Thank you, nurses.
- My mom always said I wouldn't amount to anything just lying on the couch, and here I am now, saving the world.
- If you want to save money this Christmas, now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.
- Teachers, you lied. My kids are NOT a joy to have in class.
- Gardening season is off to a roaring start. I planted myself in a couch 4 weeks ago and I've already grown noticeably.
- If we can all stay inside a bit longer, maybe we can starve mosquitos into extinction.
- My body has absorbed so much hand sanitizer, when I pee, it cleans the toilet.
- Kitchen closed due to illness. I'm sick of cooking.
- Anyone getting to the point where it would be OK for Jolene to come and take your man?
- You know, without the farmers, you would be hungry and sober
- I'm a time traveler from 2020. Enjoy 2016. It's as good as it gets for a while.
- The coronavirus was started by Spirit Halloween stores so a bunch of businesses would go under and they'll be able to move into the vacant buildings.
- I don't know how I feel about bars reopening up again. The drinks are going to be pretty weak compared to what I've been pouring lately.
- Grandma once said, "Sometimes you have to hug the people you don't like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard."
- If you can't look back at your younger self and see that you were an idiot, you're probably still an idiot.
- My farmer friend used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. In other words, he got money for nothing and his chicks for free.
- Had I known in March that would be my last time in a restaurant for a while, I would have ordered the dessert.
- Cross-eyed teacher fired. Could not control her pupils.
- Husband and I went grocery shopping in our masks, came home, took off our masks and I brought home the wrong husband. Stay alert, people!
- This morning I was thinking, you know, I really ought to get out of bed or I'll be late for the couch.
- You're never too old to say, "Horses!" when you drive by horses.
- Yeah, they call them Murder Hornets, but with the right lawyer, they'll be Manslaughter Bees.
- I miss people, places and things. So yeah, nouns. I’m basically missing nouns.
- The end of Stay-at-Home doesn’t mean the pandemic is over. It means they now have room for you at the ICU
- Don’t mess with old people. They didn’t get there by being stupid.
- Repost this if you repost silly posts that have no purpose.
TOP FIVE OTHER WAYS TO SAY SEPARATE BUT TOGETHER
- Collectively Apart
- In Communal Solitude
- Staying close from a distance
- Social Anti-Socialism
- Separated by Togetherness
TOP FIVE MOTHERS DAY GIFTS OF 2020
- Staying the BLEEP home
- 7-11's Beef Stick Sampler Pack (for you last-minute shoppers)
- Fresh cut flowers from her neighbor's yard
- Gift card for Virus Tests To Go
- Ann Taylor Designer Haz-Mat Suit
Laugh a little, would ya?